Some people feel that playing computer games has a nagative impact on children's health and social skills. Others say that it can have a positive impact on their lives. Discuss both these views.

Years ago, children used to spend their free time playing
games
outside with friends or engaging in imaginative play, but now they are more likely to be found glued to a screen playing computer
games
. Some worry that
this
can be detrimental in terms of health and socialization,
while
others argue for the educational and cognitive benefits. Both views will be discussed in the essay,
as well as
why gaming needs to be carefully monitored by parents. Those who oppose gaming have strong points to make. The
first,
which is unrelated to the content of the
games
, is simply the impact on health of spending hours on a console or online. Young people have difficulty with moderation, and unless a parent supervises them, they could spend over five hours per day doing
this
. Obviously, obesity, diabetes, and posture problems can stem from
such
sedentary
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The other issue is the social aspect. Since many
games
are played solo, opponents argue, there is little chance for interaction with peers.
This
lack of engagement during formative years can have long-term impacts on young people's ability to communicate, cooperate, and collaborate.
Nevertheless
, others claim that computer
games
can be beneficial. They suggest that creativity, problem-solving, and even teamwork are by-products of many modern
games
. Minecraft,
for instance
, requires players to create an entire world on their own, to 'survive' attacks, and
also
, when played online, to work with others to achieve goals. These skills are valuable beyond gaming and even beyond schooling in the workforce. As long as parents are careful to monitor what
games
their child is playing, there can be positive outcomes. In conclusion, sitting on a device for hours on end is definitely not a healthy way to spend leisure time.
However
, with supervision, children who play computer
games
can reap benefits that will serve them well in their adult lives.
Submitted by aquariusgirl17 on

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Development
Continue to develop your arguments with a balanced view and ensure each point is well-supported with examples.
Linking
Consider integrating a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Vocabulary
Regularly practice writing on a variety of topics to further enrich your vocabulary and ability to express complex ideas.
Task Response
You effectively discussed both views on the impact of gaming on children's health and social skills, providing a balanced and comprehensive analysis.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making your arguments easy to follow.
Examples
The use of specific examples, such as Minecraft, to support your points was particularly effective in illustrating your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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