IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their childern a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys.

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There is no denying the fact that some parents are baying for
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 to play with.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 advantages
for buy
Change preposition
to buying
show examples
 a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
 for your
children
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument
that
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
there is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 disadvantages for the kid
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and
exspress
Correct your spelling
express
 my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 will make
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
 more active.
In other words
Linking Words
, they will play and
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 world in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, more
toys
Use synonyms
 will make them
uesing
Correct your spelling
using
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobali
Correct your spelling
mobile
 phones less than others.
For example
Linking Words
, if they have
toys
Use synonyms
 they will not
playing
Change the verb form
play
be playing
show examples
 on the phone.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many
disadvantage
Change to a plural noun
disadvantages
show examples
 like having a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them cannot realise
Use synonyms
toys
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 value.it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 they will not take care of
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 they have a large figure of
toys
Use synonyms
 and if some of them
broke
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
 kids are not being sad.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this child
these children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 growing up they will
be want
Change the verb form
want
show examples
evry thing
Correct your spelling
everything
.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
want to change
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 cars our baying a lot of
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 are not needed. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 questions, on balance,
how ever
Correct your spelling
however
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to believe that a large
number
Use synonyms
 of
toys
Use synonyms
 for kids
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not right
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
children
Use synonyms
 need to learn how to play and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 happy with
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
.

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language
Work on improving grammatical accuracy by revising sentence structures and correcting spelling errors for better clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The introduction correctly outlines the debate and states that both perspectives will be analyzed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of toys, showing a balanced view.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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