It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. To what extent do you agree or disasgree ?
There is no denying the fact that some parents are baying for their
children
a large number
of toys
to play with. While
it is a commonly held belief that there are advantages to buying a lot of toys
for your children
, there is also
an argument that are
disadvantages for the kid having a large Correct pronoun usage
there are
number
of toys
. This
essay will analyse this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, a large number
of toys
will make children
's minds more active. In other words
, they will play and create a small world in their minds. In addition
, more toys
will make them using
mobile phones less than others. Wrong verb form
use
For example
, if they have toys
they will not be playing on the phone. On the other hand
, there are many disadvantages like having a lot of toys
makes them cannot realise the value.it is also
possible to say that, maybe they will not take care of their toys
because they have a large figure of toys
and if some of them break kids are not being sad. Moreover
, when these childrenchildren
Correct your spelling
children children
growing
up they will want everything. Wrong verb form
grow
For instance
, they will want to change their cars our baying a lot of things are not needed. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to these questions, on balance, however
I tend to believe that a large Add a comma
however,
number
of toys
for kids is not right because children
need to learn how to play and be happy with anything.Submitted by mona11omar33 on
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task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are specific and directly support the point you are making.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer paragraph structure with clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Clarify your stance further and ensure it is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction successfully outlines both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You have included both advantages and disadvantages which shows a balanced view.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion