IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government to fund?

#people #money #amenities #museums #theaters #art #festivals #society #areas #government #fund
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While
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the
government
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 should not spend its
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 budget on
art
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 and cultural
events
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, I think these things are
essentials
Fix the agreement mistake
essential
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 offer many advantages. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate
how
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on how
show examples
people
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 could
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from cultural amenities and how the
government
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 should allocate their budget
on
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to
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 it. First of all, it is worth considering that cultural buildings and
events
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 have
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and societal benefits. Museums,
art
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exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
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, or
theatre
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theatres
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 might enhance cultural
preserve
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preservation
show examples
 and promote it to wider society.
Besides
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 that,
art
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 festivals
is
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are
show examples
 a great social
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events
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event
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 where
people
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 get to meet each
others
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other
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 to introduce their various
culture
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cultures
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.
In addition
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,
this
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attemps
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attempt
attempts
 might attract international
tourist
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tourists
show examples
 that can generate profits for the country and its
people
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.
For example
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,
traditional
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a traditional
the traditional
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 music festival that
being
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is
show examples
 held annually in Prambanan Temple in Indonesia
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in
hotels
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hotel
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 occupancy and nearby tourist attractions visitors.
Moreover
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, the festival
also
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motivate
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motivates
show examples
people
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 to preserve their traditional music and teach it to their youngest. Despite cultural
events
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benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
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, there are many other important areas for the
government
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 to be funded
such
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 as education, health and social welfare. Even though
this
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areas
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area
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does
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do
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 not give immediate profit,
those
Correct pronoun usage
it
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential in improving
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 living
standart
Correct your spelling
standards
.
Therefore
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, it must be budgeted in
fix
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fixed
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 percentage.
Moreover
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, cultural
events
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 might need
smaller
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a smaller
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 amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
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fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 but with focused regulation, it will
give
Verb problem
have
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 immediate
impacts
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impact
show examples
.
To sum up
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, even if there are more important
area
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areas
show examples
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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 to be funded by the
government
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
funding
art
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 festivals might help to promote and preserve
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
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 culture which
lead
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leads
show examples
 to profits.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your main points with more specific examples or detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Despite minor grammatical inaccuracies, your ideas are clear. Focus on maintaining clarity in complex sentences.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, like the traditional music festival in Prambanan Temple, which strengthens your argument about cultural benefits.
task achievement
Your essay explores important societal and economic benefits of cultural amenities, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
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