Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theaters and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government to fund?
While
many people
argue that the government
should not spend its country
budget on Change noun form
country's
art
and cultural events
, I think these things are essentials
for Fix the agreement mistake
essential
the
society as Correct article usage
apply
it
offer many advantages. In Correct pronoun usage
they
this
essay, I will elaborate how
Change preposition
on how
people
could get
benefit from cultural amenities and how the Verb problem
apply
government
should allocate their budget on
it.
First of all, it is worth considering that cultural buildings and Change preposition
to
events
have economical
and societal benefits. Museums, Replace the word
economic
art
exhibition
, or Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
theatre
might enhance cultural Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
preserve
and promote it to wider society. Replace the word
preservation
Besides
that, art
festivals is
a great social Change the verb form
are
events
where Change the noun form
event
people
get to meet each others
to introduce their various Change to a singular noun
other
culture
. Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
In addition
, this
attemps
might attract international Correct your spelling
attempt
attempts
tourist
that can generate profits for the country and its Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
people
. For example
, traditional
music festival that Add an article
a traditional
the traditional
being
held annually in Prambanan Temple in Indonesia Change the form of the verb
is
causing
Wrong verb form
caused
increase
in Correct article usage
an increase
hotels
occupancy and nearby tourist attractions visitors. Change the noun form
hotel
Moreover
, the festival also
motivate
Change the verb form
motivates
people
to preserve their traditional music and teach it to their youngest.
Despite cultural events
benefit
, there are many other important areas for the Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
government
to be funded such
as education, health and social welfare. Even though this
areas
Change the determiner
area
does
not give immediate profit, Change the verb form
do
those
Correct pronoun usage
it
are
essential in improving Correct subject-verb agreement
is
people
living Change noun form
people's
standart
. Correct your spelling
standards
Therefore
, it must be budgeted in fix
percentage. Replace the word
fixed
Moreover
, cultural events
might need smaller
amount of Add an article
a smaller
the
Correct article usage
apply
government
fund
but with focused regulation, it will Fix the agreement mistake
funds
give
immediate Verb problem
have
impacts
.
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
To sum up
, even if there are more important area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
need
to be funded by the Correct pronoun usage
that need
government
, but
funding Correct word choice
apply
art
festivals might help to promote and preserve traditional
culture which Add an article
a traditional
lead
to profits.Change the verb form
leads
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task achievement
Try to further develop your main points with more specific examples or detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Despite minor grammatical inaccuracies, your ideas are clear. Focus on maintaining clarity in complex sentences.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, like the traditional music festival in Prambanan Temple, which strengthens your argument about cultural benefits.
task achievement
Your essay explores important societal and economic benefits of cultural amenities, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.