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Writing Samples
Band 6

International travel is becoming cheaper and countries are opening their doors to move and more tourist. Do the advantages of increased tourists outweigh disadvantages?

#travel #countries #doors #move #tourist #tourists
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Travelling has a huge demand among people. Nowadays
tourism
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 has lower costs than before and the nation opening its cities to the people .In my opinion, the pros of
tourism
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 outweigh the cons because of the high economy of the countries and .
In addition
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, there are a few drawbacks like the crime
rate
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. On the one hand, there is a plethora of advantages of
tourism
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.One main thing is the economic
rate
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 of the country will have enormous notable raised
this
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 is
due to
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 increased public transport use,and taxes from different restaurant and markets consume .
For example
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, Saudi Arabia's economy in 2010 depended only on oil , but in 2010 started to focus on
tourism
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 and that resulted in a huge annual growth in the budget of the country.
On the other hand
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, as might be expected there are a few disadvantages of
tourism
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 .The major negative impact is the crime .There is an increase in violent behaviour from the tourists .
Therefore
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 the resident feels scared to go out at night ,and the safety is low.
For instance
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, Japan is the safest country in the world ,but after 2010
tourism
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 has dramatically increased.
As a result
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 the danger
rate
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also
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 rose. In conclusion,
tourism
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 is a double-edged sword, the benefits outweigh the weaknesses,and
tourism
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 is essential for societies.
Therefore
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 should be taken care of , and focus on the crime
rate
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety,and on the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 importance.
Submitted by sarah on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the advantages and disadvantages more distinctly in separate paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.
task achievement
Refine the thesis statement to better summarize the main arguments you will discuss in your essay. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced the essay's main topic and presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a solid framework for your arguments.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the case of Saudi Arabia, effectively supports your points and adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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