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Band 5.5

Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #childcare #centres #care #children #school #members #grandparents #carers
Nowadays most parents leave their
children
 in the childcare centre their preschool age,
due to
 their busy timetable at work, and think that they can give them the best education and important skills.
However
,
kids
 are getting the feel of attention and
love
 when they are under the supervision of their blood relatives. Parents believe that it will be useful for
children
 to grow
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten. By reason of improving important skills
such
 as communication with other coevals and independence from their relatives, which in the future will be very helpful.
For example
, by playing different games with friends,
children
 become more sociable and can easily identify with which sort of people they want to be
friendswith
Correct your spelling
friends with
,
in addition
, it will not be a problem to make friends at school and in careers.
Therefore
,
children
, who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 grown in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten are more able to do a lot of things without any help, which may lead to success in the future.
On the other hand
, nobody can give as much
love
 as it can be given by the close relatives.
In addition
,
children
 feel needed and become more connected with their family members.
For example
, when
kids
 spend much of their time with their grandparents, they will be able to trust all their secrets to them,
this
 way of upbringing can support
close-knit
Correct article usage
a close-knit
show examples
 between the young generation and the old generation.
Therefore
, it is very significant for
kids
 to feel
love
 and attention from the family side, especially in the preschool age. In my point of view, it should be the contract of bringing up between the childcare centre and the family. It is important for
kids
 to be provided with both care, by couse combining the ability to do something independently and being worthy enough of
love
,
may
Correct pronoun usage
which may
show examples
 lead to a successful and happy life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Response
To enhance task achievement, ensure that each paragraph thoroughly explores its main point with specific examples. Additionally, ensure that your opinion aligns with all the arguments presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine the logical flow between ideas. Use transition words to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Task Response
The introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and establishes the importance of the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and presents a balanced opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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