Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, lots of
music
festivals are run around the world. Some
people
claim that it is a good idea to gather
people
from different
cultures
and nationalities together.
Although
music
is a way
for building
Change preposition
to build
show examples
up new connections, I think it doesn’t work in every situation. In
this
essay, I will propose my opinion and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
I will draw some conclusions.
Firstly
, International
concert’s
Change noun form
concert
show examples
thickets are not fully available for every nationality to be bought.
This
means that some
people
from certain countries couldn’t
join
Verb problem
attend
show examples
these events.
Subsequently
, they have no chance to visit new
cultures
or communicate
new
Change preposition
with new
show examples
people
.
Secondly
,
music
has
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
several different categories.
For instance
, only a small group of listeners enjoy hard metal
music
and others describe it as annoying sounds. In
this
situation, the metal fans don’t have the chance to meet new friends during the concert. By the way, the
music
is so loud that they can’t even talk to each other.
On the other hand
, many
people
claim that
music
is a national language.
Moreover
, by joining a musical event in a new location, the contributors can sing and dance together and
also
communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
other.
Consequently
, they will be introduced to new
cultures
passively. All things considered, it’s a general opinion that
music
can bring
people
together.
However
, if we look precisely there are some obstacles like visa problems and different
music
tastes. In my opinion,
people
can meet new
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
and
cultures
by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
and
music
couldn’t be a good reason in
this
case.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on providing more relevant examples that directly connect to your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are thoroughly supported with explanations or examples to enhance the strength of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument before concluding with the author's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is systematically organized and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: