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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Nowadays, lots of
music
 festivals are run around the world. Some
people
 claim that it is a good idea to gather
people
 from different
cultures
 and nationalities together.
Although
music
 is a way
for building
Change preposition
to build
show examples
 up new connections, I think it doesn’t work in every situation. In
this
 essay, I will propose my opinion and in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 I will draw some conclusions.
Firstly
, International
concert’s
Change noun form
concert
show examples
 thickets are not fully available for every nationality to be bought.
This
 means that some
people
 from certain countries couldn’t
join
Verb problem
attend
show examples
 these events.
Subsequently
, they have no chance to visit new
cultures
 or communicate
new
Change preposition
with new
show examples
people
.
Secondly
,
music
 has
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
several different categories.
For instance
, only a small group of listeners enjoy hard metal
music
 and others describe it as annoying sounds. In
this
 situation, the metal fans don’t have the chance to meet new friends during the concert. By the way, the
music
 is so loud that they can’t even talk to each other.
On the other hand
, many
people
 claim that
music
 is a national language.
Moreover
, by joining a musical event in a new location, the contributors can sing and dance together and
also
 communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other.
Consequently
, they will be introduced to new
cultures
 passively. All things considered, it’s a general opinion that
music
 can bring
people
 together.
However
, if we look precisely there are some obstacles like visa problems and different
music
 tastes. In my opinion,
people
 can meet new
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
 and
cultures
 by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and
music
 couldn’t be a good reason in
this
 case.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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task achievement
Work on providing more relevant examples that directly connect to your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are thoroughly supported with explanations or examples to enhance the strength of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument before concluding with the author's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is systematically organized and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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