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Band 3

The Internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#internet #matter #hand #people #socialise
I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 the internet
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 us to do a lot of things without us
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to do activities outside and I
also
 agree that
with
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apply
show examples
the developed technologies
ake
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 us not connected to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
people
. The reason why
this
 trend is happening is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human nature
tend
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tends
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 to choose things that help them to be more flexible. For some
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 decided to maximise the existing technologies because they are trying to avoid traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
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for instance
order
Replace the word
ordering
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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, online shopping and so o.
this
trens
Correct your spelling
trend
also
affecting t
Wrong verb form
affects
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 the way we socialise with other
people
, but if
this
 happening for a long time, there is
probability
Add an article
the probability
a probability
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 that can make an impact to
people
 less care of each other. But
on the other hand
,
with
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apply
show examples
all
features
Correct article usage
the features
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provided by
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 should be ba;
anced
Correct your spelling
and
 by the Users. There are times to use it and
also
 the opposite. So
overall
 what
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 internet
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 can make our lives easier but we have to be wise
using
Rephrase
when using
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 it, especially for children. We
are not suppose
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are not supposed
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 to forget to get outside to
having
Wrong verb form
have
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conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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 or maybe
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
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 places. These combined activities can help us to make a balance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
Submitted by mutiaraanggun1995 on

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coherence correction
Try to make the essay structure clearer by having separate paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help in organizing your ideas more effectively.
task response correction
Expand on your points with specific examples. For instance, discuss particular scenarios where the internet aids connection or leads to isolation.
coherence correction
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument. This will enhance the clarity and flow of your essay.
task response positive
You have addressed both sides of the argument, recognizing both the benefits and drawbacks of internet usage.
task response positive
You have made an attempt to give a balanced view by acknowledging the need for moderation when using the internet.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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