IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
#figure #trends #scotland #summarise #information #features
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The figure shows demographic trends in
Scotland
Use synonyms
. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
Given
Correct article usage
The given
show examples
 graph shows demographic trends in
Scotland
Use synonyms
. There are three percentage rates, which are proportional to
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 of time
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1940 until 2020.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 is
birth
Use synonyms
, in which we can see
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of newborns.
According to
Linking Words
Scottish
Correct article usage
the Scottish
show examples
 chart, there is a general
fluctuative
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuating
 decrease
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from 1940 to 1965. The highest peak of
birth
Use synonyms
 was in 1940,equal to 2.5 per cent, and after
rapid
Correct article usage
a rapid
show examples
fall
Use synonyms
 in 1945,
Scotland
Use synonyms
 faced
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 rise before
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 in
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, until reaching the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 0.5. There are
also
Linking Words
 trends of death and
population
Use synonyms
growth
Use synonyms
, which are
tie
Wrong verb form
tied
show examples
 to each other.
Due to
Linking Words
 a significant
fall
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 death
rate
Use synonyms
 since 1940 from 1.5% until 1955 to 0.5%, Scots experienced moderate
growth
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Use synonyms
, equal to more than 1.5%. Next 50 years
population
Use synonyms
 rise
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stopped and started going down. There is no data regarding
Use synonyms
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 after 2005,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 after
1960
Change the article
the 1960
show examples
year
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was mostly dependent on
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
, owing to
stability
Add an article
the stability
show examples
 of deaths in
Scotland
Use synonyms
. Summarising all the data given,
Scotland
Use synonyms
 conceived
demographic
Correct article usage
a demographic
show examples
fall
Use synonyms
 in 70 years mostly
due to
Linking Words
 a dip
fall
Use synonyms
 in
birth
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by moon2014angel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words scotland, rate, birth, fall, population, growth with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "figure" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: