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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in the future, its expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people than younger people. Is this a positive or negative development?

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The population proportion is always a debated topic. In the future, it's predicted that there will be a higher rate of older
people
Use synonyms
 than younger
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development for society. There are so many reasons why
this
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 trend is harmful.
Firstly
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, the increase in the elderly rate will affect the country's economy. Especially in the 4.0 era, businesses demand
people
Use synonyms
 who can work in high
performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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 and are quick-witted. Industries
also
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 require labour workers who have strong and healthy bodies. Old
people
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 can not respond to these jobs completely and businesses have difficulty finding a young workforce.
Therefore
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, the country's economy will be threatened. Moving into the second reason, countries that have a low number of
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 rate will develop difficulties in future. Children are seeds of countries, they have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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 to cultivate knowledge, explore the five continents and the seven seas and
finally
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 return to their motherlands and continue developing them.
Therefore
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, lacking young
people
Use synonyms
 means losing the foundation of development and innovation. In conclusion, the decrease in the younger population will be effected to the economic development and innovations of a country.
Therefore
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, countries should invest and prioritize youngsters in many fields
such
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 as education, and entertainment to have a better future.

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example suggestion
Try to provide more examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
clarity advice
Focus on ensuring that your ideas are clearly expressed and easy to follow. It might help to outline your thoughts before writing to maintain clarity.
logical structure advice
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by connecting ideas more directly to each other. Using transitional phrases might help.
introduction conclusion highlight
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the main argument and summarizing the points.
task response highlight
The essay clearly responds to the task by discussing whether the predicted demographic change is positive or negative.
focus highlight
The essay maintains focus throughout and addresses both economic and developmental concerns related to an ageing population.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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