IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The values that we learn from our parents and family have a greater influence on our future success than any knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#values #parents #influence #future #success #skills #school
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These days,
people
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 think that
future
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 success is the function of families'
values
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, neither
knowledge
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 nor skills that schools teach. I do not subscribe to
this
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 idea owing to the fact that the population who is really good but does not have an academic diploma cannot find nice job opportunities and live, but when
people
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 have family
values
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, they are good humans who help other
people
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 . On the one hand, Today, technology is the main element that affects
people
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's situation, so it is crucial that
people
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 learn the items related to it;
as a result
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, the
knowledge
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 and skills that students learn in institutes are the best factors that help them to have employee opportunities in the
future
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.
In addition
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, the children who learn family
values
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 are able to
work
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 better;
in contrast
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, just family
values
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 won't be able to aid the communities to have
work
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.
On the other hand
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, in the
future
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, academic
knowledge
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 will have a lot of effect on our lives inasmuch as when you study in schools, you learn how the new gadgets
work
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 and the ways of fixing them;
therefore
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, in the
future
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, you will be able to
work
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 with them and do your
work
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 only without the others;
furthermore
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, the family value helps you to become a good person in the society and interaction with a number of
people
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.
To sum up
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, in my view, learning family
values
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 is the best choice for interacting with other communities;
although
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, it won't influence in
future
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 position without academic
knowledge
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 and skills.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence which guides the reader through your point.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples. For instance, mention a particular skill or value and its impact on success.
task achievement
Try to fully flesh out your ideas to make them comprehensive and well-rounded. Avoid being too brief.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which strengthens the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic with a balanced perspective, discussing both family values and educational skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future success
  • family values
  • knowledge and skills
  • shape
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • emotional support
  • encouragement
  • academic education
  • discipline
  • time management
  • contribute to
  • extent
  • agree
  • disagree
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