IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many
companies
Use synonyms
 try to influence their consumers by advertising. I completely agree with the statement
due to
Linking Words
 company finances and how they lose their customers. I will express my points in
this
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 essay.  
To begin
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 with, many
companies
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 spread ads among
people
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.
In other words
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, they care about funds,
whereas
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 they don’t care about
safisticating
Correct your spelling
sophisticating
 the purchaser.
Moreover
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, they avoid any problem or negative thing in the product,
while
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 there have been many bad effects that lead to disappointment between persons.
In
Change preposition
For
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 instance, the Vatic brand of shampoo and soap says, “If you use our product, you will find your hair taller than before.” Unfortunately, nothing happens to
people
Use synonyms
 who use the shampoo.  
However
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, most
people
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 are sharing their personal
experiment
Replace the word
experience
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 of watching ads on many social media sites
such
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 as YouTube, Snap Chat, etc.;
therefore
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, the company will lose many buyers because of the noise of the purchase.
Then
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,
people
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 know the negative reputation of any trade by influencers at Instagram Chanel.
For example
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, in 2012, a girl from Jamaica had the wrong size of iPad.
In
Change preposition
On
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 Instagram, I was told about the mistake. Apple does their best to calm her, but she refuses any excuse. Many
people
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 are influenced by
this
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 and stop buying until they write proper and honest information about the iPad.  
To sum up
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,
people
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 have awareness nowadays, so
companies
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 can’t lie or they will lose customers.
Companies
Use synonyms
 should have more role from government to write the correct thing as they have it in real life. As can be expected, the products
were remained
Change to the active voice
remained
have remained
show examples
 during the lie idea.

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task achievement
Try to support your arguments with more specific and relevant examples to enhance the understanding and persuasiveness of your points.
task achievement
Focus on ensuring that the clarity of your ideas doesn't get lost, especially when discussing multiple points in a single paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by connecting ideas more explicitly in order to build a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
It starts with a clear introduction and ends with a relevant conclusion, contributing to cohesive essay flow.
task achievement
The essay successfully highlights the importance of honesty in advertising and shows understanding of consumer behavior.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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