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Band 5

Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #support #sports #events
It is believed that big authorities should focus on making investments to encourage the growth of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and
art
 for school
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
instead
 of supporting professional sports and
art
 programs.
This
 essay will discuss both viewpoints with some relevant examples because both sides have valid points.
First
Add an article
The first
show examples
 and foremost reason why some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that it is necessary to spend
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 sum of money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the development of activities like
sport
 and
art
 for students is that the future is in their
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
.To explain it
further
,every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 is blessed by some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 by god and some have knowledge and
interest
 in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 but
due to
 the lack of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 from their families and
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
 they kill their dreams.So,if
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 start investing in schools for the development and needed
support
 for students will definitely give a
fruitfull
Correct your spelling
fruitful
 result in the future.For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
,In America ,
government
support
 school
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to participate in their
interest
 and in
return
Add a comma
return,
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 they provide
them
Correct your spelling
the
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 required resources .
As a result
 of a survey ,the percentage of people participating in
Correct article usage
the olympics
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olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
 and
art
competion
Correct your spelling
competitions
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from 25% to 45% which is a great
acheivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 for America
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 the
country
 is gaining popularity when they represent it globally.
On the other hand
 ,there is no doubt that giving
support
 and investing
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the growth of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and
art
 in schools have numerous advantages but authorities should
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
support
 famous sports and
art
 events.To explain it
further
,if
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 stops
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 professionals will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their confidence and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that they will slowly start losing
interest
 .
For instance
,it can be seen that there are so many countries which do not take
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 in professional events but their
country
 people are participating from other countries which is because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
support
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
government
.
Moreover
,
this
 does not only
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 popularity but
also
 the GDP of a
country
.
To conclude
,rather than investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 just one thing ,Big authorities should
needed
Change the verb form
need
be needed
show examples
 to get a proactive plan by which they should focus on both statements .
As a result
 ,it will lead to the increasing
interest
 of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 which would make the
country
 famous in the future
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 focusing on current professionals will
also
generates
Change the verb form
generate
show examples
 good outcomes .
Submitted by yuvrajsinghsaggu200703 on

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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and usage of articles (e.g., 'children' instead of 'childrens', 'effect' instead of 'affect').
Clarity
Clarify ideas by breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more manageable ones.
Development
Provide more explicit examples and details to fully develop each main point.
Introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up the discussion of both viewpoints.
Task Response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach to task response.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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