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Band 5

Some people believe that tourists do not learn anything during their holidays, while others believe that they learn a lot. Discuss both views and opine.

#people #tourists #holidays #opine
While
 some people argue that travellers do not learn anything during their vacation, many others believe that they gain a lot of
experience
, which can be useful for them later in life.
This
 essay intends to discuss both perspectives. I believe that it depends on the nature of the person if a person is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
fond of gaining knowledge,
then
 it is beneficial
otherwise
 it is a way of wasting money and resources. There are many reasons why some individuals believe that travelling to other countries has tremendous benefits.
Firstly
, they get to learn a lot about other cultures, history, food, and languages. During their visit, they meet different people and visit various places, each moment is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
experience
 when you are in
unknown-surroundings
Correct your spelling
unknown surroundings
show examples
.
Furthermore
, it makes them independent, confident, and responsible. They learn many things
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 planning,
organising
Correct word choice
and organising
show examples
. They come across many situations that help improve their decision-making skills.
On the other hand
, those who assert that it is not a learning
experience
, give their reasons as follows. First of all, they are busy with their fellow-mates. They hardly find time to absorb the nature around them because, nowadays everybody is obsessed with their pages on
social-media
Correct your spelling
social media
show examples
 platforms,
such
 as Instagram, Facebook, and
Tik-tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
. For
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 I think it is more about creating a
contect
Correct your spelling
connection
 rather than
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 their surroundings. In conclusion, I reiterate my opinion that it is a personal choice. It can be
rewarding
Add an article
a rewarding
show examples
experience
 if they want to make
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
roamimg
Correct your spelling
roaming
 around and indulging with
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 people of that place, but if they are more into making videos
instead
 of enjoying their visit.
Then
, they can not make
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 out of
this
 holiday.
Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on

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task achievement
While you present both viewpoints effectively, try to delve deeper into specific examples to make your points more convincing. Specific examples help substantiate your arguments and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows relatively well, but transitions between some paragraphs could be smoother. Make sure to clearly connect each paragraph to the central argument to enhance logical progression.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and stays focused on a single point.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which shows your understanding of the essay topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a good structure in your essay, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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