In many societies around the world, the population is rapidly aging, and this is leading to unsustainable increases in the cost of public health. The population of the country must pay for their own medical care in the future. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
These days countries’ balance of
population
are Fix the agreement mistake
populations
being
old and creating problems in terms of Verb problem
getting
financial
for Replace the word
finances
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
treatment
, in addition
, individuals
may be required to cover a greater portion of their medical costs
in the future. I totally agree with this
a
statement because as the Correct article usage
apply
population
ages, the demand for Healthcare services
increases and the costs
associated with providing these services
also
rises
.
On the one hand, with an increase in the Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
, the demand for medical care and health
services
also
increases. What is more, the need for healthcare professionals such
as nurses, medications, and physiotherapists is also
on the rise. In order to balance the budget for health
services
and other areas, individuals
may have to cover a portion of their treatment
costs
. This
can be done by using additional insurance plans or by paying an extra tax for health
services
. Otherwise
, the treatment
provided may not be of a
good quality, and Remove the article
apply
this
particular group of the population
may experience shortages in medication and equipment.
On the other hand
, older individuals
may have to pay for a greater portion of their medical costs
. In other words
, perhaps they are on fixed incomes ,such
as pensions or social security, may
have to pay more out of their own pocket. Correct word choice
and may
However
, the government should allocate a great budget to cure such
people that
not Correct word choice
so that
to
be worried about Verb problem
apply
during
disease. They tend to have more complex medical needs, which means they need to see the doctor and get medical procedures more often. Change preposition
apply
This
leads to even higher medical bills. In order to maintain the sustainability and affordability of Healthcare systems, it may become necessary to shift some of the burden of costs
to older individuals
.
In conclusion, while
older
Correct article usage
the older
population
are going to be increased and also
their medical needs adhere of
their age, I believe that they should pay Change preposition
to
cost
of their Add an article
the cost
treatment
because of increasing demand and increasing cost in order maintain
Fix the infinitive
to maintain
Add an article
the
a
health
systems.Submitted by ghorabibita on
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task response
Clarify the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your position.
task response
Strengthen your arguments with specific examples or data where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Work on avoiding repetition and improve transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, linking the points together.
coherence cohesion
The argument is generally well-organized, with two main parts discussing increased healthcare demand and cost sharing.
task response
Key points are adequately developed, addressing the complexity of the issue on healthcare costs.
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