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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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Introduction
Whether
animals
Use synonyms
 should be used for experiments and in laboratory research is a deeply debated issue.
While
Linking Words
 animal testing has helped a lot of scientists with discoveries, the ethical concerns surrounding
this
Linking Words
 topic have led to discussions for completely banning animal testing.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters argue that animal testing is beneficial and necessary for medical progress.
Animals
Use synonyms
 share a lot of biological similarities with humans, which is why they are ideal for experiments and testing how a drug or disease affects the body.
For example
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, many of the cures have been tested on
animals
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as vaccines, antibiotics and other treatments. From
this
Linking Words
 point of view, doing research on
animals
Use synonyms
 is justified since it has saved millions of lives.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, other people believe that since
animals
Use synonyms
 are beings that feel fear and pain, it is unethical and cruel to put them in laboratories and do all kinds of painful experiments on them.
Furthermore
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,
animals
Use synonyms
 do not have the exact same biology as us humas, so a cure that works on mice might be ineffective or bad for the human body.
Body paragraph 3
Fortunately, modern technology offers several alternatives that would help ban animal testing. Scientist can now test their discoveries on
lab grown
Correct your spelling
lab-grown
 human cells
instead
Linking Words
 of living
animals
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, artificial intelligence can predict the way the human body will react to different cures. Another way of testing treatments would be on human cadavers
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way
scientists
Punctuation problem
, scientists
show examples
 can do their research, surgical trials, and other complex anatomical studies without causing harm to living creatures.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 animal experimentation played an important role in the past, today using the modern technology that we have, we have the option to completely ban animal testing.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why animal tests may be used and give other ways, but your own view could be clearer from the start. Say when animal tests may be allowed, for example only when there is no safe way to test a life-saving drug.
Task response
Give more detail for each other way. Explain what lab-grown human cells, AI, and human bodies after death can and cannot test. This will make your ideas more full and more fair.
Task response
Use more exact examples. Instead of saying “many of the cures”, name one drug or one vaccine and explain how animal work helped before tests on people.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two sides, other ways, and conclusion. To make links even smoother, connect the last body part more clearly to your main view, such as: “Because these new ways are growing, animal tests should be used less and less.”
Coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “animal testing”, “animal experiments”, and “research on animals”. This is mostly fine, but using one main term more often will make the text easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Check a few small word forms and spelling points: write “scientists”, “humans”, “lab-grown”, and “human bodies after death” rather than “human cadavers” if you want simpler, clearer words.
Task response
You deal with both questions: you discuss reasons for animal experiments and give several other ways to test new drugs and treatments.
Task response
Your points are relevant and easy to understand. The ideas about pain, fear, medical help, human cells, AI, and studies after death all fit the topic well.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear. “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, “Additionally”, and “To conclude” guide the reader through the essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear job, so the reader can follow your argument without trouble.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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