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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many cannot speak or present well in public. Some people think that it is important to speak well in public, so the training should be from school. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #school
It is noticed that lots of people cannot speak well in public. On the other side, public speaking is necessary and
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 ought to be trained
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
. I largely agree with the said notion. To commence with, schools should organize compulsory debate competitions. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, if there are debate competitions or
presentations
 in class
then
 students have to participate in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and with
this
 they will get
courage
Add an article
the courage
show examples
 to speak in front of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
For example
, in foreign
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it is compulsory to give
presentations
 in every
school
 in order to motivate students for public speaking.
Therefore
,
school
 plays
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 role
to motivate
Change preposition
in motivating
show examples
children
 to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
overcome
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
stage
 fear.
Futher
Correct your spelling
Further
 strengthening views, training for public speaking from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age prevents them from irreversible mistakes. To explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
while
 presenting people make lots of
mistake
Change to a plural noun
mistakes
show examples
 because they are not trained from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age. If they get training for
presentations
 from
school
then
 they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 not make mistakes in future and they will get confidence too. To cite an example, in India,
children
 do not have
confidence
Change the article
the confidence
show examples
 to speak on
stage
 as there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
presentations
 in
school
.
Thus
,
children
 should be trained from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age for public speaking.
To conclude
,
although
 some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 confidence to speak on
stage
 because of genetics yet, lots of people have
stage
 fear so it should be taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 schools so that
children
 get public speaking skills from childhood.
Submitted by upinder7696 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try using more linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay by summarizing the main argument more succinctly, which will enhance the overall logical structure of your piece.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, ensure that your arguments are consistently explicit and directly related to the topic throughout the essay to provide a more complete response.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies the problem and proposes a solution, which demonstrates a good understanding of task achievement.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your task response and shows clear comprehension of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your essay are generally well-supported with examples and explanations, which enhances reader understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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