IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Percentage of people arrested in 1990 and 1994 and the reasons why they arrested

#percentage #people
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The charts illustrate the percentage of males and females arrested between 1990 and 1994,
along with
Linking Words
 the reasons for their recent
arrests
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. It is,
overall
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, apparent that
men
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 had a much higher
arrest
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 rate compared to
women
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, with speeding and
drink
Wrong verb form
drunk
show examples
 driving being among the most common reasons for
arrest
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 in both genders. Focusing on the
arrest
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 percentages, 32% of
men
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 were reported as arrested,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure was considerably lower among
women
Use synonyms
, at just 9%.
This
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 indicates that
men
Use synonyms
 were more likely to encounter legal issues during
this
Linking Words
 period than
women
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. In terms of reasons for
arrests
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, speeding and
drink
Wrong verb form
drunk
show examples
 driving were the leading causes for both genders. Approximately 28% of
men
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 were arrested for
drink
Replace the word
drunk
show examples
 driving, which was notably higher than the roughly 17% for
women
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. Speeding was
also
Linking Words
 a common reason, with around 26% of
men
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 arrested for
this
Linking Words
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
, compared to slightly under 17% of
women
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. Breaking and entering,
as well as
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 assault, were other notable causes of
arrests
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 among
men
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, each accounting for around 12% and 18%, respectively,
while
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 these figures were lower for
women
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. As for less common causes,
such
Linking Words
 as petty theft and jaywalking, the
arrest
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 rates were considerably lower. Petty theft comprised about 8% of male
arrests
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 and roughly 5% of female
arrests
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 jaywalking showed minimal involvement from both genders.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a broader range of transition words to ensure the flow between sentences is smoother and more varied.
task achievement
While your main points are supported, additional examples or data from the charts would enhance the argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay strongly presents a clear and comprehensive introduction that sets the stage for the main content.
task achievement
The essay stays focused on the task, providing a relevant and complete response to the given data.
task achievement
You have effectively used data to support your main points, particularly the comparison between genders across various causes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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