IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the animals should be treated as pets; others think at animals are sources of food and clothing. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

#people #animals #pets #sources #food
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In the dynamic
today's
Change preposition
of today's
show examples
 world, it's always debatable
that
Correct word choice
whether
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animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 are
source
Add an article
a source
the source
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 of food and
clothers
Correct your spelling
clothes
.
while
Linking Words
reject
Change the verb form
rejecting
show examples
this
Linking Words
 notion. In my personal opinion,
Add an article
the animal
an animal
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the living
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
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 like us,
should
Correct word choice
and should
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be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pets. I will elaborate in more detail in the upcoming paragraph. First of all, Humans are very
font
Correct your spelling
fond
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 of
animals
Use synonyms
 in terms of
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
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 support,
joys
Fix the agreement mistake
joy
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 and companionship. For instance,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey conducted by
news
Add an article
a news
the news
show examples
 channel, more than 78% of
people
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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such
Linking Words
 as
dog
Fix the agreement mistake
dogs
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,
cat
Fix the agreement mistake
cats
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,
Correct word choice
or rabbit
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rabbit
Fix the agreement mistake
rabbits
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 as their pets. They consider
animals
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
to be
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 their own children.
Furthermore
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,
statitics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 proved that human mental health
Add a missing verb
is well
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 and reduced stress levels when they interact with
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, eating expire meat
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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to
Change preposition
for
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 health. In
military
Correct article usage
the military
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 or crime department, dogs play a vital role
to identify
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in identifying
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 the thief or bomb.
Hence
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 apparent why many
people
Use synonyms
considering
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
to be
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 their best friends.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 concur that view
animals
Use synonyms
 as the part of natural food chain and ecosystem functioning.
In addition
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,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 has
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of nutrition in it
by
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apply
show examples
eating meat, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 as healthy. Another pivotal aspect is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many food and clothing
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
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 rely on
animals
Use synonyms
. To
deep
Correct your spelling
keep
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 more deeply, leather shoes and
jacket
Fix the agreement mistake
jackets
show examples
 are
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 clothes for winter,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in cold
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 always prefer to buy those clothes for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better quality. In conclusion,
animals
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 living
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 like us.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 best to avoid
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 as
animals
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the source of
materialists
Fix the agreement mistake
materialism
show examples
. Vegetable
also
Linking Words
 contains
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
show examples
 and
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
show examples
.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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Task Response
Work on creating a clearer distinction between the two viewpoints to ensure a balanced discussion.
Task Response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task, including a stronger personal opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on improving the flow of ideas between paragraphs and within sentences. Use linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph develops one main idea with supporting details, leading to a logical progression of arguments.
Task Response
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that indicate your opinion.
Task Response
You attempt to provide examples and evidence to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic structure in your essay with distinct sections for each viewpoint, which adds coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've made a good effort to present ideas related to the emotional and practical roles of animals in society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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