IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end world poverty and hunger. Others say that economic growth is causing damage to the environment and should be stopped now. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #growth #world #poverty #hunger #damage #environment
purpuse
Correct your spelling
purpose
 of
businesses
 is to make
money
,
While
 they have social responsibilities. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tottaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree with that as they are
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.       As
much
Rephrase
far
show examples
 as I am concerned
businesses
 play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 significant role in
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Firstly
 they have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 who work for them,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
coustomer
Correct your spelling
customers
, and the all places around them.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have access to the most
money
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country, and
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
 they
constent
Correct your spelling
contain
 the highest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of people in the country.        I
belive there
Correct your spelling
believe their
show examples
enourmouse
Correct your spelling
enormous
enormously
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 they have to be responsible for several features.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 they should take care of
Correct article usage
the envorenment
show examples
envorenment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Whereas
 I know lots of
componies
Correct your spelling
companies
 which
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 product has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 effect on animals and plants.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
businesses
 should be responsible for
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and mental health of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 workers and
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 some share of
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
money
 should be spent on free education as I believe it is the most important feature of
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.       As much as making
money
businesses
 are responsible for all people who
Add a missing verb
are relevent
show examples
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them,
Correct article usage
the envorenment
show examples
envorenment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and children.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
Try to provide more balanced arguments by discussing both the economic growth's positive and negative impacts in equal depth.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples to strengthen your arguments, as they help clarify and support your points.
coherence cohesion
Start your essay with a clear introduction that outlines the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay by effectively summarizing your main arguments and personal viewpoint.
task achievement
You effectively acknowledge the social responsibilities of businesses, which is an important perspective in this discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an understanding of businesses' influence on society and the environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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