IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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while Some
Use the right word
While some
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 argue that the most pressing environmental issue today is the disappearance of certain plants and animals, Others believe the wider challenges ,
such
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 as
climate
Use synonyms
 change and pollution, are more serious.
While
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species
Use synonyms
 loss is undoubtedly concerning, I would argue that broader environmental threats deserve greater attention. On the one hand, those who emphasise the loss of
species
Use synonyms
 argue that it poses a greater risk to the natural world. The extinction of animals and plants can destabilise entire ecosystems.
For example
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, the disappearance of pollinators
such
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 as bees could threaten the whole global food supply.
Moreover
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, extinction is irreversible, meaning that once a
species
Use synonyms
 disappears, it can never be recovered. Many
also
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 believe that humans have an ethical duty to safeguard other forms of life. From
this
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 perspective, protecting endangered forms of life is viewed as the most urgent priority.
On the other hand
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, many argue that other environmental threats are more critical than the extinction of individual
species
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.
Climate
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 change,
for instance
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, is already leading to rising sea levels and more frequent extreme weather events alongside a wider alternation in
climate
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 patterns, with devastating consequences for millions of people.
Similarly
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, air and water pollution directly endanger human health, causing respiratory diseases and contaminating food supplies and clean water sources. It is
also
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 worth mentioning that problems
such
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 as deforestation and industrialisation are the root causes of
species
Use synonyms
 decline in the first place.
Therefore
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, addressing these broader conflicts may be more effective in securing the future of both humanity and wildlife. In conclusion,
although
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 the loss of
species
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 is a serious concern, wider problems
such
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 as
climate
Use synonyms
 change and pollution pose even greater risks. Tackling these fundamental problems will eventually help protect biodiversity

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Task response
Your answer covers both views and gives a view of your own. The first paragraph should clearly state the plan in one line.
Content
Some ideas stay broad. Add one or two clear points for each side and include a simple fact or number.
Task response
The conclusion restates the view but make the link to the plan clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the flow smoother with clearer sign posts and shorter sentences.
Coherence and cohesion
Check the topic sentence in each paragraph so it stays on one idea.
Language
Use only easy words and short sentences to keep the tone calm and simple.
Strength
Clear choice of topic with balance of views and your own opinion.
Strength
Use of contrast links like 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' helps flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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