IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

There is an opinion that asserting a lot that can be inferred into leaving school by students and the way they
incourage
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encouraged
.There are many responses
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
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 dilemma
such
Linking Words
 as financial
consistants
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consultants
consistent
, the method of
theaching
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teaching
 which might be offered by
institudes
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institutes
 and the subject that some
of
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 detest
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, my personal approach toward
this
Linking Words
 is that many boys and girls do not like to learn because some of
subjects
Add an article
the subjects
show examples
 are hard to learn like maths,but, by applying new methods in tutoring
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved.I will discuss the reasons and how to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
learning
Change the verb form
learn
show examples
. One point which might be taken as a primary reason is the fact that the mass of
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 is a lot.
This
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 can be decreased by replacing
another activities
Replace the adjective
another activity
other activities
show examples
such
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researching
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as research
show examples
.
For example
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, some
of
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apply
show examples
majors like mathematics and physics
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
require
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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practice,
tutors
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and tutors
show examples
 can give awards to learn,
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, if they order a huge mass of assignments for students, it might
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
to
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in
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depressions
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depression
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 and
also
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 impact
on
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apply
show examples
the
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 mental health, they will be bored of learning. Another reason that can be regarded as a
base
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basis
show examples
in
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for
show examples
 avoiding learning is the method that every school and university
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
, many
stydents
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students
are always annoy
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are always annoyed
are always annoying
show examples
from
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by
show examples
 the teaching system and the way of
behaviouring
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behaviour
 that many teachers apply and do not care about whether
people
Use synonyms
 learn or not, can
results
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result
show examples
 into many circumstances. The
secound
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second
 primary reason is every
men
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man
show examples
 and
women
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woman
show examples
 like to learn an
espacial
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especial
 major,though, many of them are under pressure and by
suggestion
Add an article
the suggestion
a suggestion
show examples
 of their family choose the major which they heard
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have a promising future.Many should regard their children's favour subjects
which
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in which
show examples
 they will
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
.
For example
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, in many countries, some majors do not have any
guaranty
Replace the word
guarantee
show examples
 for learning because of salary and other factors.
As
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In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 decide to leave learning and find an appropriate job which results in a good salary , because, they believe that schools and societies need
a
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apply
show examples
robot
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robots
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instead
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 of
homan
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humans
human
,
that is
Linking Words
 why some men and women are bored
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 learning.

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task response
The essay addresses the task and attempts to provide reasons and solutions. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the examples lack depth. Try to explain your points more thoroughly and provide specific examples to enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be more logically structured. The introduction is somewhat vague, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. Aim to have a clear introduction, well-structured body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.
task response
The essay attempts to tackle both causes and solutions, which is a good approach to the task.
task response
There is an effort to provide examples to support the points made, which is important for a strong argument.
task response
You have outlined multiple perspectives, which is beneficial in demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
What to do next:
Look at other essays: