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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome?

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It is a contentious issue how to achieve a work-life balance. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on how could
this
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 problem be overcome and what are in my opinion reasons for
this
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 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with, we live in a VUCA world. It means nowadays, we see constant changes and nothing can be certain. Because people try to adjust to the current situation, they live in
a
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apply
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constant stress. They are afraid of doing not enough and they keep forgetting about their mental health. If work on a fair, we will manage stress better.
Therefore
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, it is so important to go to
the
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a
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 specialist
such
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 as
psychologist
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a psychologist
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, or therapist to fight our demons
out
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.
Moreover
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, people are lazy. After a long day of work not only they do not want to do any sport or meet friends, but
also
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 they find many excuses against them.
Consequently
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, they do not have any hobby or active private life. To solve
this
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 problem, they should go out of their comfort zone. Certainly, trying new things and joining some communities will help them to be
also
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better
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a better
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 employee.
To sum up
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, many struggle to balance their
live
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lives
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. There are many relevant reasons for that namely, laziness and overwhelming pressure.
Nevertheless
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, there are some ways to work on that.
For example
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, they can go to the doctor for help or try to look on their own for some activities online. Any initiative will be good to take care of themselves.

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task achievement
Enhance your response by providing more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, mention a particular study or real-life example that illustrates the stress caused by the VUCA world.
task achievement
Aim to elaborate on your ideas more comprehensively. For example, expand on how joining communities specifically improves work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Some sentences feel slightly disconnected. Use more linking words to smoothly transition from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, presenting the issue and summarizing your ideas well.
task achievement
You have managed to address the main factors affecting work-life balance, such as stress and laziness.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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