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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.
#bar #information #leisure #time #age #groups #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates
hours
Use synonyms
 of use of free
time
Use synonyms
 by
a variety groups
Correct the article-noun agreement
a variety group
variety groups
show examples
 of age per
day
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom.
Also
Linking Words
, how they spend
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 either alone or with
others
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, 8 to 15 years have the highest Free
time
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 spent with
others
Use synonyms
 with approximately 5
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 but they spend the lowest
time
Use synonyms
 alone which is one hour. Followed by, the elders from 65 years and over who spend 4 and a half
hours
Use synonyms
 alone per
day
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 55 to 64 and 16 to 24 groups have similar
hours
Use synonyms
 which is around 4
hours
Use synonyms
 per
day
Use synonyms
 with
others
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
, they have the same
hours
Use synonyms
 spent alone.
However
Linking Words
, the
hours
Use synonyms
 are growing regularly for 25 to 54 groups both with
others
Use synonyms
 and alone there are 25 to 34 and 35 44 have the same
hours
Use synonyms
 in both but it is rising to 45 to 54.
Overall
Linking Words
, the graph describes the fluctuating of numbers oh leisure
time
Use synonyms
 spent per
day
Use synonyms
 by different people.
Submitted by Poiu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, time, day, others with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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