Some people think the purpose of education is to prepare the future workforce and make good members of society. Others think the purpose of education should lead to self-fulfillment. What is your opinion?

Education
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
a vital role in everyone's life. with the help of
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
,
people
can settle into
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
salary package.
However
, there is differing
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
opinions
regarding the purpose of
education
. Some individuals
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
that
education
aid
Correct subject-verb agreement
aids
show examples
to prepare
Change preposition
in preparing
show examples
for society and workforce
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
while
other rejects
this
notion. I will elaborate in more detail
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
both
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspectives
views and
thus
lead to a logical conclusion. First of all,
education
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
us to share our knowledge and skills. After graduation, we can apply
therotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
knowledge
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
practical
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the job.
However
, educated
people
are more disciplined, to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
society by paying
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
, helping
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
,
involving
Correct word choice
and involving
show examples
extra circular activities like planning
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
.
In addition
, every
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educated
people
to serve
people
indirectly for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better future. To
illsutrated
Correct your spelling
illustrate
illustrated
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Medical Sectors only recruit educated
people
for the role to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
the work. Without of educated person, it's difficult to run the hospital,
possible
Change the word
possibly
show examples
causes
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
several
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
to society.
Hence
it's apparent all the merits stand in good stem.
On the other hand
,
education
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
us to get a good
salaried
Replace the word
salary
show examples
package,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
can
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
by purchasing
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
, laptop, etc.
For instance
, after
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
, many
people
want to travel around the world by doing
work from
Correct your spelling
work-from-home
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
to understand
culture
Add an article
the culture
show examples
and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
show examples
.
Hence
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
apparent why many
people
are favoring
this
trend. In recapitulation,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are innumerable strong
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
supporting that
education
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
us to
sharp
Replace the word
sharpen
show examples
the
Change the word
our
show examples
knowledge, at the same time, the
purppse
Correct your spelling
purpose
of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
invest money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they believe that educated
people
severe near future.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Work on creating a more structured introduction and conclusion to make your essay feel complete.
clarity
Clarify your main points and ensure they directly relate to the essay question.
examples
Include more detailed examples to illustrate your points effectively.
cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next for better coherence.
variety
You've successfully included different perspectives about the purpose of education.
focus
The essay addresses the topic directly and remains focused.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: