In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

#countries #people #sport #entertainment #money #professionals #doctors #nurses #teachers #societies

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this

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modern era, money is necessary to

fullfil

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fulfil

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apply

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human

essential

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essentials

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. There is always

debatable

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a debate

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between working

salary

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professionals like doctors,

teachers

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and teachers

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money with sports and entertainment.

However

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, I

quiabble

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quibble

for them and

thus

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lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, celebrities are gaining

alot

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a lot

of money by entertaining people.

For instance

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, acting in

commerical

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commercial

product ads for the company

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apply

show examples

actor

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actors

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and

actress

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actress'

show examples

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salary

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salaries

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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five times

big

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bigger

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than

professionals

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professionals'

professional's

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salaries. At the same time, in the

olympics

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Olympics

Olympic

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events, sports represent

Correct article usage

the talent

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talent

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talented

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person for their nation. Being celebrities is not

cup

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a cup

the cup

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of tea, they lose their private space.

In addition

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, if they got any failure, they can't expect

same

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the same

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salary

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Moreover

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, there will be always competition with fellow workers, they need to

consistently

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be consistently

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Change preposition

apply

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strict with their

plan

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plans

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. Some people take

rest

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a rest

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after

hectic

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a hectic

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schedule by watching entertainment and sports

event

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events

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Hence

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its

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it's

it is

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apparent why many people are favoring

this

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trend.

On the other hand

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, teachers, doctors and

nursery

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nurses

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are working so hard and providing exceptional service to

Add an article

the citizen

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citizen

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citizens

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of the nation. Without

doctor

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a doctor

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and nursery,

its

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it's

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unimaginable to run the nation. Meanwhile,

teacher

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teachers

show examples

are equal to parents, they will help us to improve our talents and match with the current market job demand. In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are strong

factor

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factors

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supporting that

professional

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professionals

show examples

doctor

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doctors

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and

teacher

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teachers

show examples

should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

get

deserved

Correct article usage

a deserved

show examples

salary

Use synonyms

as per skills and knowledge.

Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on Thu Nov 07 2024

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task achievement

The essay would benefit from more specific examples and clear arguments. Providing specific instances where athletes or entertainers earn significantly more than professionals would strengthen the points made.

task achievement

Adding examples of the impact of salaries on individuals in different professions could add depth to your discussion.

coherence cohesion

Try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, guiding the reader through your thought process. This can improve the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.

task achievement

You have identified the central issue well and addressed both sides of the argument, which shows understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

233 words

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In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

Fully explain your ideas

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.

Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industy to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning to manage money is undeniably one of the most crucial life skills. In today’s fast-paced world, where financial security directly impacts one's quality of life, understanding how to handle money effectively is essential.

Some people think that studying from the past teaches nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The Internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize. To what extent do you agree or disagree?