In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

#countries #people #sport #entertainment #money #professionals #doctors #nurses #teachers #societies

this

modern era, money is necessary to

fullfil

Correct your spelling

fulfil

Change preposition

apply

show examples

human

essential

Fix the agreement mistake

essentials

show examples

. There is always

debatable

Correct word choice

a debate

show examples

between working

salary

professionals like doctors,

teachers

Correct word choice

and teachers

show examples

money with sports and entertainment.

However

, I

quiabble

Correct your spelling

quibble

for them and

thus

lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, celebrities are gaining

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

of money by entertaining people.

For instance

, acting in

commerical

Correct your spelling

commercial

product ads for the company

Change preposition

apply

show examples

actor

Fix the agreement mistake

actors

show examples

and

actress

Change noun form

actress'

show examples

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

five times

big

Correct word choice

bigger

show examples

than

professionals

Change noun form

professionals'

professional's

show examples

salaries. At the same time, in the

olympics

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Olympics

Olympic

show examples

events, sports represent

Correct article usage

the talent

show examples

talent

Replace the word

talented

show examples

person for their nation. Being celebrities is not

cup

Add an article

a cup

the cup

show examples

of tea, they lose their private space.

In addition

, if they got any failure, they can't expect

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

salary

Moreover

, there will be always competition with fellow workers, they need to

consistently

Add a missing verb

be consistently

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

strict with their

plan

Fix the agreement mistake

plans

show examples

. Some people take

rest

Correct article usage

a rest

show examples

after

hectic

Correct article usage

a hectic

show examples

schedule by watching entertainment and sports

event

Fix the agreement mistake

events

show examples

Hence

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

apparent why many people are favoring

this

trend.

On the other hand

, teachers, doctors and

nursery

Replace the word

nurses

show examples

are working so hard and providing exceptional service to

Add an article

the citizen

show examples

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

of the nation. Without

doctor

Correct article usage

a doctor

show examples

and nursery,

its

Correct your spelling

it's

show examples

unimaginable to run the nation. Meanwhile,

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

are equal to parents, they will help us to improve our talents and match with the current market job demand. In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are strong

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

supporting that

professional

Fix the agreement mistake

professionals

show examples

doctor

Fix the agreement mistake

doctors

show examples

and

teacher

Fix the agreement mistake

teachers

show examples

should

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

get

deserved

Correct article usage

a deserved

show examples

salary

as per skills and knowledge.

Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on Thu Nov 07 2024

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task achievement

The essay would benefit from more specific examples and clear arguments. Providing specific instances where athletes or entertainers earn significantly more than professionals would strengthen the points made.

task achievement

Adding examples of the impact of salaries on individuals in different professions could add depth to your discussion.

coherence cohesion

Try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, guiding the reader through your thought process. This can improve the logical flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.

task achievement

You have identified the central issue well and addressed both sides of the argument, which shows understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

233 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors, nurses and teachers. Why do you think this happens in some societies and do you consider it is good or bad?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Last weekend, your cousin celebrated her 50th birthday, but you could not attend and forgot to cancel. Write a letter to your cousin. In your letter: Apologize for missing the birthday celebration Explain why you missed it and why you had not let her know Describe how you will make it up to her

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem.What are the causes of this?How can this problem be solved?

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

In some societies, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might the parental role develop in the future?