IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Media is playing
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
show examples
 role nowadays. Many other platforms other than Television and radio have given a lot of opportunities to
journlists
Correct your spelling
journalists
.
Such
Linking Words
 media is going too personal and
publising
Correct your spelling
publishing
publicising
 news everywhere for TRPs. Some
people
Use synonyms
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 it
whereas
Linking Words
 other opposes it. In the upcoming paragraph, I will discuss both views and will give my viewpoint
at the end
Linking Words
. First of all,
press
Correct article usage
the press
show examples
 interfering in the private lives of
people
Use synonyms
 can actually bring various minor and serious issues to them. Having less or no privacy can seriously affect
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 health of an individual.
Thus
Linking Words
,
he\she
Correct your spelling
she
 might try to hide from getting into
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
 and
hence
Linking Words
 there are chances of getting anxiety and other mental problems.
For example
Linking Words
, various artists can be seen fighting with depression, one of them is Selena Gomez, who dealt with depression because of having no privacy
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 her life and
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who bodyshamed
show examples
bodyshamed
Correct your spelling
body-shamed
body shamed
 her.
Secondly
Linking Words
, journalism can prove to be beneficial for numerous
people
Use synonyms
. Surprisingly, humankind around the world
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 motivated when they see the story of famous
people
Use synonyms
, their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 way of living from
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
 to
luxary
Correct your spelling
luxury
 brands they own.
Moreover
Linking Words
 mass gets a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 information
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to be successful and achieve their goals. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, Mary
kom
Change the capitalization
Kom
show examples
 often shares her routines, workouts and diets which inspire the aspirants of
boxing
Correct article usage
the boxing
show examples
 field to be the best versions of themselves.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe,
journlism
Correct your spelling
journalism
 can be both positive and negative. But there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to use it
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
limit so that
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 loopholes can be reduced to an extent and
people
Use synonyms
 can benefit more from it.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effective, clearly outlining both perspectives and your own opinion. However, consider using a slightly more detailed introduction to set the stage for your arguments.
Logical Structure
Ensure logical structuring by connecting ideas with linking words to enhance fluidity. For example, use 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to add points.
Task Achievement
Improve task response by directly addressing both viewpoints with balanced arguments. Make sure your points equally reflect both sides of the debate.
Clarity of Ideas
Clarify some ideas to make them more comprehensive. For instance, explain how journalism could maintain a balance between public interest and individual privacy.
Examples
Good use of specific examples such as Selena Gomez and Mary Kom to support your points, which effectively illustrate your arguments.
Complete Response
The essay provides a balanced viewpoint, reflecting your ability to discuss both sides of the issue before delivering your opinion.
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