Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Media is playing
pivotal
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a pivotal
show examples
role nowadays. Many other platforms other than Television and radio have given a lot of opportunities to
journlists
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journalists
.
Such
media is going too personal and
publising
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publishing
publicising
news everywhere for TRPs. Some
people
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
it
whereas
other opposes it. In the upcoming paragraph, I will discuss both views and will give my viewpoint
at the end
. First of all,
press
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the press
show examples
interfering in the private lives of
people
can actually bring various minor and serious issues to them. Having less or no privacy can seriously affect
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
health of an individual.
Thus
,
he\she
Correct your spelling
she
might try to hide from getting into
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
and
hence
there are chances of getting anxiety and other mental problems.
For example
, various artists can be seen fighting with depression, one of them is Selena Gomez, who dealt with depression because of having no privacy
to
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in
show examples
her life and
people
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who bodyshamed
show examples
bodyshamed
Correct your spelling
body-shamed
body shamed
her.
Secondly
, journalism can prove to be beneficial for numerous
people
. Surprisingly, humankind around the world
get
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gets
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motivated when they see the story of famous
people
, their
hardwork
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hard work
,
their
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and their
show examples
way of living from
cloths
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clothes
show examples
to
luxary
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luxury
brands they own.
Moreover
mass gets a
lot
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lot of
show examples
information
how
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on how
show examples
to be successful and achieve their goals. For
instace
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instance
, Mary
kom
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Kom
show examples
often shares her routines, workouts and diets which inspire the aspirants of
boxing
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the boxing
show examples
field to be the best versions of themselves.
To conclude
, I believe,
journlism
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journalism
can be both positive and negative. But there is
need
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a need
show examples
to use it
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
limit so that
it's
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its
show examples
loopholes can be reduced to an extent and
people
can benefit more from it.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effective, clearly outlining both perspectives and your own opinion. However, consider using a slightly more detailed introduction to set the stage for your arguments.
Logical Structure
Ensure logical structuring by connecting ideas with linking words to enhance fluidity. For example, use 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to add points.
Task Achievement
Improve task response by directly addressing both viewpoints with balanced arguments. Make sure your points equally reflect both sides of the debate.
Clarity of Ideas
Clarify some ideas to make them more comprehensive. For instance, explain how journalism could maintain a balance between public interest and individual privacy.
Examples
Good use of specific examples such as Selena Gomez and Mary Kom to support your points, which effectively illustrate your arguments.
Complete Response
The essay provides a balanced viewpoint, reflecting your ability to discuss both sides of the issue before delivering your opinion.
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