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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
#bar #information #percentage #population #areas #world #continents #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart
presented
Wrong verb form
presents
show examples
 the data about
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in various states and the whole
world
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1950, 2015 and 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, from time to time, there is a significant increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to stay in urban places.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 trend of different states showed the same.
To begin
Linking Words
, in 1950, more
people
Use synonyms
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
 their life in
greenary
Correct your spelling
greenery
 places
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of the
city
Use synonyms
 than in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 . There are only 15% and 17% in Africa and Asia, respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in Europe and North America more than half of their
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to live in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
This
Linking Words
 was almost the same in Latin
American's
Correct your spelling
America's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 affected the
overall
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 showed only 29%. 65 years later, in 2015, more
people
Use synonyms
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to live in
high
Add a hyphen
high-population
show examples
population
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
. There are almost half of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.
African's
Change noun form
African
show examples
 and
Asian's
Change noun form
Asian
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 increase dramatically in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the town than in villages. These
also
Linking Words
 happened to
people
Use synonyms
 in Europe and America. Surprisingly, more than 70% of their
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 stayed in the
city
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 in 2050, more than half of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
centered
Change the spelling
centred
show examples
 in
high
Add a hyphen
high-population
show examples
population
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
,
high
Change preposition
with high
show examples
 activities and in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major
city
Use synonyms
 of countries, approximately above 60%. In Europe and America,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 stayed in
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 and green
areas
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by putri on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, areas, world, city, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Percentage (%)
  • Population
  • Continents
  • Developed vs Developing
  • Growth rate
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Technological factors
  • Infrastructure
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Anomalies
  • Trend
  • Projection
  • Implication
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