Public celebrations (festivals, national day) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important issues. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrations #festivals #countries #people #government #money

Numerous countries around the world

celebrates

Change the verb form

celebrate

show examples

a lot of festivals with lump sum

money

Which

Correct pronoun usage

This

show examples

is not considered to be good by some

people

as they think

this

money

can be used as

resource

Add an article

a resource

show examples

for many existing issues in

the societies

Replace the word

society

show examples

Whereas

, there is

importance

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the importance

show examples

of celebration among

people

. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

both before getting into agreement or disagreement.

Firstly

, commemoration can be quite significant since these can be

excellent

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an excellent

show examples

way

to not only educate

people

about the history and some great happenings but

also

can help to make

people

come together.

For example

, in India,

republic day

Correct your spelling

Republic Day

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and Independence

days

Fix the agreement mistake

Day

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are celebrated with huge

enthusiam

Correct your spelling

enthusiasm

by hoisting flag

ceremony

Fix the agreement mistake

ceremonies

show examples

, rallies and

people

enacting some popular figures who came together to make it an independent country and formed

constitution

Correct article usage

a constitution

show examples

. In

this

way

, residents of the nation are reminded to stay united in future and respect the nation.

Secondly

, there is an idea that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

can actually use

this

money

to do something remarkable for the communities and

mass

Fix the agreement mistake

masses

show examples

that need help. Since there can be many areas that might be

depriving

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deprived

show examples

of some basic needs.

For instance

, in Bangladesh, huge

assest

Correct your spelling

asset

assets

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

invested timely for cultural public programs and festivals

however

on the other side many

citizen

Change to a plural noun

citizens

show examples

are not even getting the basic needs for life. If authorities use the finance in

way

Add an article

a way

show examples

that poor and in need

people

can improve the

way

they live and can afford

day to day

Add a hyphen

day-to-day

show examples

requirments

Correct your spelling

requirements

Therefore

, it can be seen that actually investing and managing finance can affect the

economical

Replace the word

economic

show examples

state of the nation.

To conclude

, I would say that I agree with

given

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the given

show examples

statement that governing bodies are required to take steps to use the

money

of the country to solve different concerns so that it can

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

some useful results

overall

Submitted by preetsimran0123 on Fri Nov 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for maintaining structure. However, some sentences in the body paragraphs could be organized more logically to enhance the flow of ideas.

task achievement

Ensure each point is fully developed with specific details or examples, which will make the argument stronger.

task achievement

Be careful with word choice and sentence construction to improve clarity, especially in explaining complex ideas.

task achievement

You've effectively outlined both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

task achievement

The essay provides specific examples, such as the Republic Day in India, which help support your points more concretely.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion clearly state the argument, giving the essay a well-rounded feel.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

305 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Public celebrations (festivals, national day) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important issues. Do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People move to different location to live in. what are the reasons? is it a positive or negative development?

In country where there is a high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hop of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages?

There are more and more effective security measures in large cities to reduce the crime. Does this endeavor bring more benefits than problems?