IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries nowadays, people still live with their parents after marriage and also after having children. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages?

#countries #people #parents #marriage #children #trend
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The given topic is highly controversial.
However
Linking Words
, if a glance is taken at the pros and cons of
this
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 aspect, it is irrefutable to say that there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 advantages if people live in
tyhe
Correct your spelling
the
 joint families. So I perceive that it should be
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 development and I hereby give the following arguments to support myself. To
beign
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, there are multifarious benefits to
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 with their
parents
Use synonyms
 after marriage because we can learn a lot of new things from our elders by spending quality
of
Change preposition
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 together.
In other words
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, today's era is a competitive era where most of the
time
Use synonyms
 people spend
on
Change preposition
in
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 their workplaces they do not have much knowledge about household chores that
Use synonyms
time
Verb problem
apply
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their
parents
Use synonyms
 help them
.
Change preposition
with.
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Moreover
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,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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has
Change the verb form
have
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 sedentary
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 in which they are unable to teach their children
morel
Correct your spelling
more
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 values because of it their children indulge in unethical activities.
In addition
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, history reveals that data from Harvard University pointed out that more than 70% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adolescents were involved in criminal activities owing to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
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 attention. Resultantly, living in
joint
Add an article
a joint
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 family is the best way to live
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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life.
Further
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 adding here that everyone runs like a rat race to earn
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of money so that they can get standard of living including wealth, comfort and employment. As they work overtime to fulfill their needs under these circumstances they forget their family.
Hence
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, that
time
Use synonyms
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 take care of their family.
Additionally
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, with the help of
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
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family
Add a comma
family,
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 we can not face any sort of difficulty in our life because they tell us their experience and mistakes what they did in their life which helps us to learn about more from
mistakes
Correct pronoun usage
our mistakes
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. To recapitulate, it can not be denied that every coin has two sides but the advantages of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 aspects are more than their drawbacks. It should be suggested that individuals should live with their family members after marriage with their spouse and children as they can get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to know more about
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your main arguments more clearly, with distinct paragraphs for each point to improve the logical structure.
task achievement
Avoid using informal phrases like 'rat race' in academic essays for a more formal tone.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay with clear statements of your opinion.
task achievement
You provide some real-world data and examples, adding credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • financial support
  • shared responsibilities
  • emotional support
  • childcare assistance
  • strong family bond
  • lack of privacy
  • limited independence
  • conflicting opinions
  • difficulty in adjusting
  • interference
  • personal life
What to do next:
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