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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In June 2005,an experimental flu vaccine was monitored in a large country town on females only.

#june #flu #vaccine #country #town #females
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There are three figures that display information about how the
flu
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 vaccine was monitored in 2005.
This
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 experiment took place in a large country town.
Overall
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,it can be seen that the
number
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 of female
deaths
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 was higher than
males
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 in all the periods given.
Also
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,
Flu
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 rates for
females
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 were higher than
males
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 in all months in 1996.
Moreover
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,the majority of
people
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 who received the vaccine at risk were from adults older than 35. Looking at the bar chart illustrates the
number
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 of
people
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 who died from
flu
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 categorized in
males
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 and
females
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 and divided into two periods which are from March to May and from June to August.It can be seen that the
number
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 of both
males
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 and
females
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 has increased.
That is
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 to say,at first
males
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 barely died which was just over 0 followed by a rise to 2
deaths
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.
However
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,Women had significantly more numbers than men,starting at 2
deaths
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 and growing exponentially to 5
deaths
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. Moving on to the pie chart presents the proportion of female recipients in each group which is at risk of receiving the vaccine.The majority of
people
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 were from
people
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 who were over 35 years old,occupying over a third.The other two groups namely, babies or children and not take part in the trial followed closely at nearly the same percentage which was around a fourth.
Lastly
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, a small minority was
people
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 who hospitalized or
otherwise
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 receiving medical treatment.
Finally
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,the line graph indicates
flu
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 rates in each month in 1996 comparing
males
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 and
females
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.That year began with 0 in January
then
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 grew substantially to reach peaks in June at 3000 persons in
males
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 and 3500 persons in
females
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.After that,the
number
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 gradually dropped until reached a stagnant point in September at 3000 in
females
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 yet,the
number
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 of
males
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 still declined until the
last
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 month of the year.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Try to connect your data interpretations with more cohesive ties.
Task Achievement
Provide more detailed explanations for the data, especially when describing how different data points correlate to the overall topic. Emphasize why the differences or similarities mattered in the experiment.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive overview of the data provided, effectively summarizing each trend and pattern.
Task Achievement
The report includes a reasonable data interpretation, offering insight into the gender differences and age distribution in the vaccination.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, presenting information sequentially and clear topic-centric paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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