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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of visitors to four international museums between 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The data illustrates four international
museums
Change noun form
museums'
museum's
show examples
 number of guests
coming in
Verb problem
from
show examples
 1980 until 2015. In 1980, Shenzhen
Museum
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the fewest
visitors
Use synonyms
 from others, less than 4
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 came to visit the
museum
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, the second lowest ranking is the London Science
Museum
Use synonyms
 which had around 4
million
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
 that year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The Vatican Museums had a little bit more about 5
million
Use synonyms
 guests in 1980.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, The Louvre had more
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
, around 8
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 had visited it.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
 the development of the times, there was a slight difference in 2015 regarding the number of
museum
Use synonyms
visitors
Use synonyms
, which Vatican
Museum
Use synonyms
 had
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 growth of
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 by 9
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
was visited
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, The Louvre
Museum
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had a
visitor
Use synonyms
 count of 9
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Science
Museum
Use synonyms
 had a slight decline in
visitor
Use synonyms
 numbers to 2
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, Shenzhen
Museum
Use synonyms
 had the same number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 as in the past
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
Vatican
Correct article usage
the Vatican
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
 and Louvre
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the most growth
visitors
Use synonyms
 until 2015.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 Science
Museum
Use synonyms
 had the fewest
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2015.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, visitors, million, people, visitor with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • visitor numbers
  • trend analysis
  • stability
  • popularity
  • significant changes
  • peak periods
  • low points
  • global tourism trends
  • economic downturns
  • natural disasters
  • tourist patterns
  • dynamic nature
  • factors influencing
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