Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.
In
this
fast changing
world, Add a hyphen
fast-changing
success
comes in many different forms and definitions. Success
in career
is undeniably Correct article usage
a career
one
major aspect that every individual is racing to accomplish. While
many think that being successful is related to the rich and appearance, I personally believe that consistency and hard effort bring a much deeper meaning to success
and here are my reasonings.
On the one
hand, it is not news that with money comes power and vice versa. It is seen that many individuals with money and good exterior image achieve success
rather easier
compared to those who Replace the word
easily
comes
from a lower Change the verb form
come
socioecomic
status. These people tend to be able to climb up the ladder faster and with little effort. Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
socio-economic
For instance
, a minister's son or daughter is given a big national contract without having to prove their credentials. This
type of success
is easy to achive
yet easy to slip away from Correct your spelling
achieve
one
's hand if not careful.
On the other hand
, success
has a strong relations
to hard work and determination. Many successful businessmen started their company from scratch and Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong relation
strong relations
build
an empire business that lasts until now. Wrong verb form
built
For example
, take Mark Zuchenberg
who started his Facebook business or JK Rowling who wrote Correct your spelling
Zuckerberg
Harry
Potter books. These successful people were once rejected, Correct article usage
the Harry
however
they are Add a comma
however,
one
of the most successful people now due to
their hard work and determination.
In summary, I strongly believe that while
money and appearance are important for success
, the true meaning of success
comes with hard work and determination. These
type of Correct determiner usage
This
success
is more long lasting
, Add a hyphen
long-lasting
give
us a bittersweet experience and more meaning to Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
one
's life.Submitted by Nezzy on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure clarity and precision in expressing your argument. Some sentences are slightly unclear or awkwardly phrased, such as "success has a strong relations to hard work and determination." Consider revising this to "success is strongly related to hard work and determination."
Task Achievement
Expand on the examples given to provide more depth and insight into your argument. For instance, more details about how Mark Zuckerberg or J.K. Rowling's hard work and determination led to their success would strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view on both perspectives of success related to hard work/determination and money/personal appearance.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion which summarizes the argument well.