Some people think that the competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try ti cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
A group of
individuals
believe that the competition at workplace, school and in daily routine us
healthy, Correct your spelling
is
while
others
claim that, individuals
should remain cooperative with each other. In my opinion, I think being competitive is beneficial for the
Correct article usage
apply
individuals
to improve their skills at work
and in daiky
Correct your spelling
daily
routine
.Fix the agreement mistake
routines
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
this
encourages individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
ti
achieve their future goals. I will explain my opinion Correct your spelling
to
further
with relevant examples.
The foremost reason of
being competitive at Change preposition
for
work
, school and daily life is that,
Remove the comma
apply
this
helps individual
to remain Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
focus
on Wrong verb form
focused
the
future goals and forces them to Change the word
their
workhard
Correct your spelling
work hard
in achieving
their targets. Change preposition
to achieve
Moreover
,individuals
keep assesing
their performance and try to improve their skills. Correct your spelling
assessing
This
is because, when someone has a competitor , they keep an eye on their daily activities and taje
notice Correct your spelling
take
about
their performance, so Change preposition
of
this
pushes then
to Correct your spelling
them
workhard
and helps them in fulfilling their targets. For Correct your spelling
work hard
instancr
, when I was at school, I was an average student, Correct your spelling
instance
however
when one of my friends, started getting good grades Add the comma(s)
however,
so
Correct word choice
apply
this
somehow pushed me towards studies
and Correct pronoun usage
my studies
as a result
, I also
started focusing on my studies and got second position in class 8th.
On the contrary
, others
claiming
thatWrong verb form
claim
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
should cooperate rather tgan
Correct your spelling
than
being
competitive, Wrong verb form
be
this
is because,
Remove the comma
apply
healthy
environment helps Correct article usage
a healthy
people
to work
appropriately and team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
is essential to fulfill the required tasks. Because, when people
help each other, they develop sense
of trust and Add an article
a sense
this
really benefits them. To illustrate, my sister was recruited for a job in an
multinational company and she Change the article
a
waw
facing some difficulties in completing her assignments, Correct your spelling
was
however
one of her colleagues, helped her and she submitted her assingnebt
even Correct your spelling
assignment
befire
the deadline.
Correct your spelling
before
To conclude
, there are benefits of being in competition and providing a helping hand to others
, however
I believe that, Add a comma
however,
people
perform better when they compete with each other and this
makes them rely on themselves, rather than depending on others
.Submitted by dr.tehreemk on
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clarity of ideas
Work on enhancing the clarity of your ideas by simplifying complex sentences and avoiding repetition to make your argument more straightforward.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topical sentence that reflects the main idea of the paragraph, and that the ideas and examples within the paragraph support this main idea coherently.
logical structure
Increase your use of signposting language (e.g., firstly, secondly, in addition, however) to guide the reader through your argument in a clear, logical manner.
language accuracy
Avoid minor spelling and grammar mistakes to maintain a higher standard of writing. For example, check spelling errors like 'assingnebt' instead of 'assignment', 'taje' instead of 'take', and 'instancr' instead of 'instance'.
introduction conclusion
Expand on conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and reiterating the essay's argument or providing a broader context or implication.
introduction conclusion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your argument, such as your personal experience at school and your sister's job situation.
balanced argument
You have successfully presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates consideration of different perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.