IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?

#stress #countries #world #factors #society
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In our generation
stress
 become a huge issue all over the world
due to
 several factors.
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the reason
of
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for
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 the problem with the solution
of
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to
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 it. Nervousness
have
Verb problem
is
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 caused by many senses, especially in
present
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the present
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 day the main reason is
from
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apply
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our career . When people are
under
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in
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 a toxic
work place
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workplace
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this
 can lead to
stress
,a lot of researchers find that working with people who insult us
made
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makes
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 our
confident
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confidence
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 lower and not brave enough to speak for
yourself
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ourselves
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, which is where the
stress
begin
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begins
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.
According to
 the
action
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action,
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 not only uncomfortable
work
 apace but
over
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overwork
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work
 is another reason too. Today various
peoples
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people
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work
 over than their physical health can accept,
that
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which
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mean
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means
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 we have to
work
 rush for the deadlines.
This
contribute
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contributes
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 to
feel
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feeling
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 under pressure
as well as
 nervous.
Owning
Verb problem
According
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 to the above paragraph
that
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apply
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our
stress
start
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starts
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 from our toxic career.The fix of it is we have to try to find a positive
work
together with
 a suitable
work
 time. Begin with the
work place
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workplace
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, our partner
have
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has
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 to
be consider
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be considered
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 first by select people with great
attitude
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attitudes
show examples
as well as
 perfect for us.
Moreover
, the employers are significant too for the fact that they have to give us our assignments which made it come to
next
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the next
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 solution.The extra
work
 should
be reduce
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be reduced
show examples
 to
the
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a
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balance
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balanced
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 amount of
work
 with time. In conclusion, to have less
stress
 in
modern
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the modern
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 day
that
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 have the sources
by
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of
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 our
work
. We should choose
our
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a
show examples
 team that
give
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gives
show examples
 us
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 nervous environment including the perfect
work ship
Correct your spelling
workship
along with
 suitable responsibilities .
Submitted by esaraica on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay needs better logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance clarity. Improve transitions between ideas to ensure smooth reading.
Task Achievement
Make sure that all main points are fully developed with specific examples and details to provide a comprehensive response.
Task Achievement
Work on including more precise language and vocabulary to clearly convey your ideas and arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by identifying sources of stress in the workplace and potential solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment
  • financial instability
  • social safety nets
  • constant connectivity
  • work-life balance
  • remote work
  • social isolation
  • community support
  • chronic illnesses
  • affordable healthcare
  • public health campaigns
  • mental well-being
  • high-stakes testing
  • holistic education
  • flexible working hours
What to do next:
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