It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Outdoor
spaces
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are often avenues for socialization in a
community
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. It's where people from different cultures, statuses, or nationalities meet and connect.
In addition
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, it can be a good place to improve the mental and physical
health
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of a
community
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. I believe that all towns and cities should invest in building larger outdoor
spaces
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. Squares and parks are places where families or different communities can host gatherings
such
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as picnics or games. It provides a venue for nurturing relationships and improving the unity of a
community
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.
For example
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, playgrounds are a good place for children to meet and play.
This
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will not only improve their ability to communicate but
also
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is a great way for them to be active.
Moreover
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, nowadays we are often surrounded by tall and daunting buildings.
Such
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scenery induces the feeling of isolation and depression. Being in constant seclusion increases our stress and will have negative effects on our
health
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.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
having public
spaces
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with greenery will promote a feeling of relief from all the hustle and bustle of the city.
Furthermore
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, it gives us an escape from the stress of city life. Not only will
this
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be beneficial for our mental
health
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, but
also
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will greatly improve our physical
health
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. In conclusion,
spaces
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for recreational activities and nature are important in living a good life. It reminds us that life is so much bigger and that there is a
community
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around us.
Thus
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, towns and cities should recognize its importance in improving their
resident's
Fix the agreement mistake
residents'
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lives and allocate more resources to make these
spaces
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bigger and to improve the facilities they will have.
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task achievement
Consider expanding on specific examples or adding more diverse perspectives to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay is structured well, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly for enhanced flow.
introduction and conclusion presence
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the writer's viewpoint.
logical structure
There is a logical progression of ideas, contributing to the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
complete response
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly and presents clear, comprehensive ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
The discussion of mental and physical health benefits as well as socialization advantages is clear and persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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