In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Although
there has been some significant agricultural advancement, but
some Remove the conjunction
apply
people
around the world still starving due to
higher population and demand also
increase of
Change preposition
in
food
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
as well
as
lower Correct your spelling
a
food
supply to the poor people
, these are the biggest problems for poor people
to get their needed food
.
The most vital reason for not getting good enough food
for indigent people
is the low food
production which brings the increase of food
price
in the industry. If there is Fix the agreement mistake
prices
low
Correct article usage
a low
food
supply to the industry it will lead them to charge more than usual. Even if we have the bestest
modern Correct your spelling
best
equipments
we can not Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
full fill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
the
needs. Change the word
our
For example
, a shopkeeper wanted to buy a good amount of fresh tomato
but he failed because there wasn't very much Fix the agreement mistake
tomatoes
of
Change preposition
apply
tomato
left to buy due to
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
food
supply to the market that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
caused
price-up and the shopkeeper only brought about some kg of Wrong verb form
causing
tomato
, so many poor people
came to his shop but few people
could afford to buy those
Change the determiner
that tomato
those tomatoes
tomato
. That's why those who was
about to have some Change the verb form
were
food
to cook with tomatos
Correct your spelling
tomatoes
they
failed to bring it and failed to eat for the whole day.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, there is
some possible solutions for these problems that will not conflict Change the verb form
are
to
Change preposition
with
starving
. Replace the word
starvation
For instance
, Nuria started planting vegetable seeds and harvest
those regularly and achieved her required Wrong verb form
harvesting
food
every day. Therefore
, if people
started to plant vegetables by
their own that Change preposition
on
will
bring them real Wrong verb form
would
food
to eat some
how they Correct quantifier usage
apply
can
Wrong verb form
could
also
provide them food
by fishing or making a fisheries
Correct the article-noun agreement
fisheries
a fishery
by
their own, they Change preposition
on
can
Wrong verb form
could
also
sell it to the market as well as
consume for
themselves.
In conclusion, I think there will be always Correct pronoun usage
it for
starving
Replace the word
starvation
issue
even if we achieve the greatest modern technology for Fix the agreement mistake
issues
agriculture
use. So, the government should encourage impoverished Replace the word
agricultural
people
to cultivate some food
by themsevles
and Correct your spelling
themselves
government
should help them Correct article usage
the government
through
providing money and Change preposition
by
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
also
the instruction that might lead them to no longer stay without food
for so long.Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should have a focused main idea, and transitions between paragraphs should be smoother to maintain cohesion.
Task Achievement
Aim to provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and fully address the task. This will enhance the depth and quality of your response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the issues at hand, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed. This helps in structuring the response more effectively.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas and arguments to avoid repetition. Once a point is made, move on to new insights or different perspectives.
Coherence & Cohesion
You present a clear introduction that introduces the topic and sets the stage for your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay closes with a conclusion that encapsulates the overall argument and proposes solutions, which strengthens the structure of your response.
Task Achievement
You've attempted to provide examples, illustrating some of your points, which adds to the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both the causes of hunger and the potential solutions, which demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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