IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the advantages of video surveillance outweigh the disadvantages?

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To make
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
cities
 more safe and sound, various places have introduced video cameras. To keep an eye
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 most of
places
Add an article
the places
show examples
, incidents and crimes happening in and around the cities.
However
Linking Words
, there are some people who think that
this
Linking Words
 way can actually become a pause for the freedom of many. But I ponder that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of having these devices
are outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
 its loopholes which I will try to discuss in upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having surveillance around will not only give the residents a feeling of relief and
being safe
Wrong verb form
safety
show examples
 but will make criminals think twice before doing any harm to the property or to mass. If still, any incident occurs
then
Linking Words
 police can actually check these devices and footage to go to the root cause and individual involved.
For example
Linking Words
, at my work, in
childcare
Add an article
a childcare
the childcare
show examples
 centre, there was
suspicious
Correct article usage
a suspicious
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 man loitering around, cause the children's safety was involved, the man was tracked
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 the CCTV cameras and was caught
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roaming around a private property without any purpose.
Thus
Linking Words
, it shows having closed-circuit television cameras
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 quite significant.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these can actually make people more concerned and anxious owning to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact they are being watched.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can actually bring the feeling of being prisioned or caged. Plus, an individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to do things consciously so that they do not leave any
informaion
Correct your spelling
information
 that can end up in
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 hands.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are a lot of shops and
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 with CCTV , which can actually use old video to see credit card details and can use those details to do a scam and get money out for their own purpose.
Hence
Linking Words
, there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to be attentive in that type of area.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe though some disadvantages
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 humankind still
advantagages
Verb problem
apply
show examples
give us
enogh
Correct your spelling
enough
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 to use technology for promising safety and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
There
Correct pronoun usage
You
show examples
 need to keep in mind that feeling a little conscious or unfree is okay
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 if you feel
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 and unafraid.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are fully developed and clearly presented.
task achievement
Use more varied vocabulary to express your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments are supported with detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Variety in the use of linking words would enhance the essay.
task achievement
You have provided examples to support your main points, enhancing the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, framing the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
There are clear connections between some of your ideas, indicating a good effort in maintaining coherence.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • video surveillance
  • crime deterrent
  • law enforcement
  • privacy infringement
  • public safety
  • evidence
  • surveillance abuse
  • secure environment
  • citizen oversight
  • data misuse
  • budget constraints
  • false sense of security
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