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Writing Samples
Band 7

The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, the increase in using cellphones has become a vital topic of the most debate.
This
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 shift has led to significant
benefits
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 which will be discussed.
Although
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 there are some drawbacks too, the
benefits
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 outweigh the drawbacks. First of all, in today's advanced world,
due to
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 advances in technology huge amounts of
people
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 have become interested in using versatile devices
such
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 as cellphones. It is noticeable that
this
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 approach can result in harmful consequences, A prime example of
this
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 is the dramatic increase in obesity rates, especially among the younger generation who spend countless time on their
phones
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.
For instance
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, they play online games through their
phones
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, which can contribute to health diseases
such
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 as obesity.
Additionally
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, spending too much time on social media can be considered as another verse effect.
On the other hand
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, cell
phones
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 can significantly offer various
benefits
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 for
people
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. One of the most significant advantages is the conveniences that brings to
people
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 in terms of keeping in touch with their friends and family members all around the world.
For example
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, consider a college student boy who moves abroad to achieve higher education, the ability of cell
phones
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 in connection to the internet not only can help him socialize with their family members but
also
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 can contribute to
overall
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 a profound sense of convenience. One more thing is the ability to take photos through
phones
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 which can help
people
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 keep the memorable moment. In conclusion,
Although
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 the advances in cell
phones
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 offer both
benefits
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 and drawbacks, the advantages
such
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 as the conveniences
in
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of
show examples
 keeping in touch with friends and families and taking valuable photos outweigh the disadvantages.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Try to develop your ideas with more depth and provide more comprehensive examples and explanations. This will enhance the clarity and richness of your essay.
logical structure
Some transitions between ideas or sentences could be improved for better flow. Consider using more explicit connectors and transitions to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a strong framework for your essay.
supported main points
Your essay is generally well-organized, with clear points that support the argument on both sides of the issue.
relevant specific examples
You've provided some relevant examples that support your main points effectively, which enriches your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Multifunctionality
  • Accessibility
  • Convenience
  • Remote work
  • Social media
  • Global marketplace
  • Data breach
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Privacy invasion
  • Emergency situations
  • Addiction
  • Navigation
  • Professional development
  • Economic opportunity
  • Communication
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