The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, the increase in using cellphones has become a vital topic of the most debate.
This
shift has led to significant benefits
which will be discussed. Although
there are some drawbacks too, the benefits
outweigh the drawbacks.
First of all, in today's advanced world, due to
advances in technology huge amounts of people
have become interested in using versatile devices such
as cellphones. It is noticeable that this
approach can result in harmful consequences, A prime example of this
is the dramatic increase in obesity rates, especially among the younger generation who spend countless time on their phones
. For instance
, they play online games through their phones
, which can contribute to health diseases such
as obesity. Additionally
, spending too much time on social media can be considered as another verse effect.
On the other hand
, cell phones
can significantly offer various benefits
for people
. One of the most significant advantages is the conveniences that brings to people
in terms of keeping in touch with their friends and family members all around the world. For example
, consider a college student boy who moves abroad to achieve higher education, the ability of cell phones
in connection to the internet not only can help him socialize with their family members but also
can contribute to overall
a profound sense of convenience. One more thing is the ability to take photos through phones
which can help people
keep the memorable moment.
In conclusion, Although
the advances in cell phones
offer both benefits
and drawbacks, the advantages such
as the conveniences in
keeping in touch with friends and families and taking valuable photos outweigh the disadvantages.Change preposition
of
Submitted by eskandari.mahanz66 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to develop your ideas with more depth and provide more comprehensive examples and explanations. This will enhance the clarity and richness of your essay.
logical structure
Some transitions between ideas or sentences could be improved for better flow. Consider using more explicit connectors and transitions to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a strong framework for your essay.
supported main points
Your essay is generally well-organized, with clear points that support the argument on both sides of the issue.
relevant specific examples
You've provided some relevant examples that support your main points effectively, which enriches your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?