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Band 5

In many cities today,most people live in large apartment blocks.Does this kind of accommodation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#cities #people #apartment #blocks #accommodation
It is
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a
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true
the
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apply
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fact that many
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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dwellers around the world tend to choose vertical living
due to
 a wide array of reasons, ranging from population increasing to admiring
of
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apply
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sophsticated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated
 living.
This
 essay argues that
eventhough
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even though
 there are problems with living in apartments,the benefits of large accommodation complexes are much greater.
Furthermore
,in
this
 essay,first discuss the benefits of
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 living method and
then
 examine its drawbacks before concluding the
advanages
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advantages
 outweigh the disadvantages. One of the major advantages of
this
 green living is,
they
Correct word choice
that they
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are provided
Wrong verb form
provide
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 users with modern facilities
such
 as
continously
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continuous
continuously
 power supply,sophisticated addresses and
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 degree of safety.
Moreover
,being
Correct article usage
a tech-savy
show examples
tech-savy
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tech-savvy
 generation generally the dwellers are looking for
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 quality of living
statanders
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standers
standees
, which get access to a peaceful living.
For example
,fire alarms that
has
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have
show examples
 been
maitained
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maintained
 in living complexes
assuered
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ensure
 the security of
the
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apply
show examples
houses which is not
much
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apply
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familier
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familiar
 with ordinary houses.
Hence
,
this
 dynamic
approches
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approaches
approach
 has
deliverd
Correct your spelling
delivered
 positive aspects towards the living beings. Another valuable contribution is
deliverd
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delivering
the
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a
show examples
 good solution for the
inceasing
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increasing
 population.In
addion
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addition
,
population
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the population
show examples
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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grown in unprecedented
propotion
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proportion
proportions
, and it has
Add a missing verb
had a
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 adverse effect on
deforetration
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deforestation
,garbage disposal and land
owning
Replace the word
ownership
show examples
.Since
,
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apply
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this
verical
Correct your spelling
vertical
 living has developed it has been giving a great solution for the so-called global difficulties.
For instance
,proper garbage disposal systems
has
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have
show examples
 been archived by luxury apartments
such
 as recycling pave the way for environmental preservation.
However
, the residents of
this
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these
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 limited spaces have
been refrained
Change to the active voice
refrained
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their
Change preposition
from their
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 art of living.Because, of the less interaction with the neighbours,less confronting of with the
natuarl
Correct your spelling
natural
 atmosphere could lead them to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
isolation feeling.
For instance
,urbanization and less
greenary
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greenery
 views rather than village
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 pave the way for growing rates of suiciders. In
coclusion
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conclusion
,
while
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apply
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 living in
anormous
Correct your spelling
enormous
appartments
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apartments
 presents some challenges,
particulay
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particularly
 in terms of providing
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 living and
lay
Wrong verb form
laying
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 a strong foundation for global
callenges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 significantly outweigh its drawbacks.
Submitted by ranpuluk on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas within paragraphs for better clarity and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there are fewer grammatical errors to enhance understanding of the essay's intent.
task achievement
Clarify some ideas and expand on certain points for clearer comprehension.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages of living in large apartment blocks.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion parts are well stated.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples that support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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