Nowadays, more people are going to the gym to stay fit. Discuss the benefits and potential drawbacks of this trend.

#people #gym #trend

In recent years, many people have started going to the gym in order to improve their fitness and

overall

health.

While

exercising at the gym offers several benefits,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

also

has some potential drawbacks. One of the main advantages is that there is a motivating atmosphere surrounded by others with similar goals and

also

there are professional trainers for guidance and support. Your coach motivates you and

this

motivation can lead

long-term

Change preposition

to long-term

show examples

habits that improve a person's

overall

lifestyle.

For instance

, I went to the gym to do

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

taekwondo a year ago and there is my trainer

to encourage

Change the verb form

encouraged

show examples

me by setting achievable goals

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

this

help

Wrong verb form

helped

show examples

me to stay motivated and improve my

overall

lifestyle

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Sat Nov 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Structure your essay with clear paragraphs. Currently, the transition from introduction to body is smooth, but there's a need for a clearer conclusion. Consider summarizing the main points and restating the overall sentiment about gym-going trends.

task achievement

Introduce and elaborate on potential drawbacks of going to the gym, as the essay primarily focuses on benefits.

coherence cohesion

Clarify the point about 'others with similar goals': Mention how this specifically contributes to someone's motivation.

task achievement

Use of a personal example to support a main point is effective.

task achievement

The essay maintains a clear, relevant focus on the topic of gym benefits.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

118 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

5.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, more people are going to the gym to stay fit. Discuss the benefits and potential drawbacks of this trend.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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"Is Advertising Still an Effective Tool in Commerce?

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