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Writing Samples
Band 5

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Show essays »

#leisure #activity #people #effects #popularity #individuals #society #show #essays
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In recent years, an increasing number of
people
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has
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have
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 chosen shopping for their free time.
Although
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, it is argued that it
have
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has
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 some advantages and downsides.
This
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 essay will explain the reasons behind
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popularity
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the popularity
show examples
 of shopping, and introduce the potential influences of
this
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popularity
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 on society and
people
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.
Firstly
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, there are many individuals who enjoy buying new
things
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such
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 as clothes. These
people
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 find delight in shopping because changing old
things
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 with new ones can boost their morale.
Furtheremore
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Furthermore
, constant change in trends persuades
people
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 to replace new
things
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 with old ones, leading
people
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 to allocate excessive time and energy to shopping.
this
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 results in
acquireing
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acquiring
 a taste for buying.
For example
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, the trends for autumn clothes have been changed,
temting
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tempting
 many
people
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 to
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purchase
purches
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purchase
 in-fashion clothes
Moreover
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, the
popularity
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 of shopping
have
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has
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 several impacts
such
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 as promoting consumerism which could be harmful
for
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to
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households
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households'
household's
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 financial circumstances.
Adverticements
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Advertisements
 and
brand's
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brand
show examples
 marketings persuade
people
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 to accumulate redundant
things
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, imposing a strain on
financial
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the financial
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 situation of
people
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.
For instance
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, many brands offer discounts on their products in order to
temting
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tempt
people
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 to buy excessively .
In addition
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, when more
people
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 are
intrested
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interested
 in buying new brand
things
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, companies and brands are able to expand their businesses.
people
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 by buying their products can support them and
contribite
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contribute
 to their development. In
conclosion
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conclusion
, shopping
have
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has
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 been considered as
an
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a
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 leisure activity;
however
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, it is believed that there are benefits and setbacks . The reasons for
this
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 growing
intrest
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interest
 in shopping are
people
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 enjoy it and persistent
change
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changes
show examples
 in
trend
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trends
show examples
 persuade
people
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 to
to
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 the shopping.
Also
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, the impacts of
this
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popularity
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 are promoting consumerism, which could jeopardize
people
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's financial situation, and
contribution
Correct article usage
the contribution
show examples
 of buyers to growing businesses.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

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language
Improve grammatical range and accuracy to enhance clarity. Avoid errors like 'has chosen,' 'it have', 'this results in acquireing,' 'temting,' etc.
examples
Embed more specific examples. General statements like 'many brands offer discounts' need concrete instances.
structure
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points effectively.
content
The discussion of the effects of shopping on consumerism and business growth was insightful.
task response
The essay addresses both the popularity of shopping and its impacts, showing a balanced response to the task.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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