The age of information technology has taken a lot of people by surprise. While, it has become a way of life for some, others know very little about it. Eventually we will have a polarized society and this will lead to serious social problems. Form an opinion based on the info above and write a well-reasoned essay.
Nowadays, most
teenagers
are struggling to enjoy their life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
all the expensive things. Thus
, some peoples
suggest they take a part-time job Fix the agreement mistake
people
after-school
to fulfil their needs, and importantly, to build an understanding of the Correct your spelling
after school
work
environment, tough character and discipline habits. However
, some other people prefer to enjoy a short teenage time to do fun activities or just relax their minds while
taking a rest
right after school. In fact , these
both views are true for some relevant families, that depend on their economic condition. Correct determiner usage
apply
Therefore
, I agree with both views. However
, in factAdd a comma
,
teenagers
with take jobs will have better characters than others. This
essay elaborated on my opinions
First,
part-time work
will initially
introduce a work
environment, work
attitude, and work
discipline for teenagers
at their young ages. This
lesson will build teenager's characters to become more tough, strong mental
, more independent, and Change the word
mentally
Correct quantifier usage
more discipline
discipline
. In fact , these will consume a lot of their Wrong verb form
disciplined
rest
time, despite the amount of money they have, will
be paid off all of the tired. Correct word choice
and will
For instance
, this
condition is closely related to teenagers
from low-economy families. They are forced to gain more money at their age to help their parents fulfil the family's needs. But, in the future, most of these teenagers
have a very tough mental to face
the world.
Wrong verb form
facing
Second,
we cannot deny that taking rest
right after school is necessary for students to recharge their body and mind. We know that they had spent their whole energy to be focused on studying various lessons at school. consequently
, they must have high-quality rest
in enough time to gain their energy and be focused the next day. For instance
, this
condition highly correlates with teenagers
from rich families. their parents just wanting
the best for their children. Wrong verb form
want
however
, some of these teenagers
will be fragile mentally because of the lack of experience of facing the world.
To sum up
, I highly suggest teenagers
take a part-time job to build their character in the best way and gain more success at a young age.Submitted by putri on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of sentence structure to make the argument more coherent. For example, some sentences are quite long and can be broken down for better understanding.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to fully support your main points. This would enhance the task achievement score.
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a strong introduction and presents a clear thesis statement, successfully acknowledging different viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay conclusion effectively restates the main argument and provides a suggested action.