IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person's income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. Do you agree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The notion
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 free
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be restricted and
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 are responsible for their own
healthcare
Use synonyms
, has sparked
cosiderable
Correct your spelling
considerable
debateamong
Correct your spelling
debate among
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. I disagree with
above
Add an article
the above
show examples
 argument and In my opinion,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be free and every person should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to it, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my perspective. To commence with, It is true that having a
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 diet with sufficient
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
 and
reguler
Correct your spelling
regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 risks.
For example
Linking Words
, recent studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that higher levels of physical
activities results
Fix the agreement mistake
activity result
show examples
 in lower rates of chronicle diseases.
However
Linking Words
, reasons like poverty, lack of education and unable to receive a healthy diet, hinder their ability to make healthy choices.
Thus
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 though some people can afford
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet, many others can not, which will result in
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
health
Use synonyms
 risks can emerge
due to
Linking Words
 genetic issues and environmental factors.
For example
Linking Words
, diabetes and heart diseases are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
genetic issues;
moreover
Linking Words
, viral fever and
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 can be identified as diseases,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused
due to
Linking Words
 environmental factors.
Further
Linking Words
, if individuals are unable to access the required medicine, it may lead to critical pandemics, which will eventually
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to economic crisis. The most recent example is corona
pandamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
, which
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the whole world. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be provided free of charge because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
individuals have their own responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own
health
Use synonyms
. It is my view that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be provided free of charge because there are many external factors that
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one's
health
Use synonyms
 and mainly, it is a basic human right to live a healthy life, and as
humans
Add a comma
humans,
show examples
 we should respect that basics.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. Consider improving the introduction by clearly stating your disagreement with the given statement to enhance the clarity of your position from the beginning.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more specific examples or statistical data to make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay, and use varied transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides both perspectives on the issue of free healthcare, acknowledging the different factors that affect health which adds depth to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction, main body, and conclusion which shows a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your argument. Additionally, your emphasis on healthcare as a basic human right is compelling.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: