IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree

#people #idea #schools #person #parent
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As the world is evolving, it can be seen
around
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apply
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that almost everything can be learnt through tutoring or classes.
Hence
, there are some people who think that there should be some study
over
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on
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 parenthood so that
pupil
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pupils
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 who ponder
of
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apply
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becoming
parents
, may have some knowledge
how
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of how
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 to
do parenting
Wrong verb form
parent
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 at their best. I will discuss why I agree with
this
 statement.
Further
, in the following paragraphs, I will consider how learning beforehand about parenting can
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 benefit not only children but society
in
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as
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 a whole.
Firstly
, When mass
learn
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learns
show examples
 different aspects of how to help themselves and their children so that they can have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 upbringing with some diligent skills and abilities for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
For instance
, if guardians can learn from education
to
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apply
show examples
how to make their young
ones
 patient and hardworking
then
 there is nothing more to be
aksed
Correct your spelling
asked
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 about.
Hence
,
the
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apply
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teaching at school can help
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who want to give their young
ones
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 upbringing.
Secondly
, It can
also
 help to raise young
ones
 into responsible humans. Since
,
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apply
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 nowadays various people are getting into criminal practices and wrong paths. proper guidance from
parents
 can keep them away from these.
For example
,
parents
 can actually learn how to
be keep
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keep
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 their children away from
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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 and connected to nature.
Moreover
,
this
 change can have a great impact on the society in the upcoming years.
To conclude
, I believe getting the education and tutoring on how to make their parenthood effective is a win-win situation.
While
 offspring can get
a
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apply
show examples
better parenting and society can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accountable residents.
Thus
, school education or
parents
 can prove to be good for them to be amazing
parents
.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly. This can help in strengthening your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next one to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the benefits of teaching parenting in schools and relates it back to societal benefits.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline the main idea and nicely wrap up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Good organization within paragraphs that build on your argument about the importance of parenting education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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