IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Being celebrity -such as a famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being celebrity brings more benefits or problems

#celebrity #-such #film #star #sports #personality-
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It is undeniable that celebrities'
life is one
Replace the word
lives are
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 among the toughest as they are followed by cameras everywhere.
While
 many people consider their
life
 as picture perfect as they watch on TV, others may think in the opposite way.
This
 essay will analyse both the issues and benefits of becoming a star in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the cons of having
celebrity
Correct article usage
a celebrity
show examples
life
. The first and foremost is the lack of privacy as their personal
life
 is often invaded by the media and the public which can lead to stress and anxiety.
Therefore
, they are under continuous pressure to maintain an ideal image and meet public expectations which makes them prone to numerous health health issues.
For instance
, it has been recorded that many celebrities have to change their country in order to escape from false assumptions about them.
Additionally
, not only celebrities but their whole family often experience unwanted attention from the media.
However
, being a star can
also
 provide them with a number of benefits
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
, they often enjoy financial wealth, which allows them to live a luxurious lifestyle and access to travel around the world that are not available to the average person.
Moreover
, with having a significant fan base, they have the power to influence public opinion and bring attention to social issues.
Also
, it becomes easy for them to get any job easily as they have job security in their field, helping them with a long-lasting career path , unlike many other professions.
To conclude
,
although
 stars suffer from lack of privacy in their
life
, their leading a
life
 where you can access everything which you want is a great fortune.
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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention actual cases of celebrities who have faced privacy issues or those who have used their influence for social causes.
coherence cohesion
Try to logically organize paragraphs by presenting issues and benefits separately and ensure smooth transitions between them. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both the benefits and problems of being a celebrity.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion which frames the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and clearly explained, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Scrutiny
  • Public Image
  • Mental Health Issues
  • Psychological Pressure
  • Financial Wealth
  • Luxurious Lifestyle
  • Public Opinion
  • Social Issues
  • Media Attention
  • Endorsements
  • Job Security
  • Career Longevity
  • Public Expectations
  • Societal Values
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