IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly in the
last
Linking Words
 century to the point that citizens are concerned about the level of safety outside their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
.Some people believe that governments should take action to prevent or even minimise
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
While
Linking Words
 others believe that there is not much effective solution , unfortunately.I believe that the government can solve
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon by increasing the awareness of committing
such
Linking Words
 unpleasant
actions
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 most countries are trying to decrease the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed in the nation, but have not found
an effective solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
an effective solution
effective solutions
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
 moment.
However
Linking Words
, governments considered increasing the punishment for crime may solve the problem in the short term but eventually, it will rise again because it is
Correct article usage
a atemporary
show examples
atemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 solution.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2006 United States experienced a major growth in
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they raised the sentence of unpleasant
actions
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as stealing and killing and it decreased for a short time intel it was exploited again in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the main reasons why some countries do not have these
actions
Use synonyms
 as much as other countries is the culture.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the awareness and consciousness in those populations are higher and more supported than in most of the world.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, the percentage of
crimes
Use synonyms
 is much lower compared to most of the world.
Although
Linking Words
, in ancient times they were higher with time and investment in the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 physical condition they overcame these struggles. In conclusion,
crimes
Use synonyms
 have become more prevalent recently as the more evolved the country the fewer
crimes
Use synonyms
 and unpleasant
actions
Use synonyms
 occur in it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to eliminate inconsistencies in your argumentation. For example, the sentence about the United States mentions a growth in crimes without a clear explanation of the long-term results of increasing punishments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly and directly supports your main thesis. In your essay, the connection between cultural aspects and crime prevention, such as in Japan, could be more clearly linked to your main argument about awareness and education.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your points, especially when discussing short-term versus long-term solutions to crime. This will strengthen your essay and contribute to a more compelling argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic effectively, providing a clear viewpoint and acknowledging opposing perspectives.
task achievement
You have appropriately addressed both views on the issue of crime prevention, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the opinion clearly, providing a sense of closure to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: