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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe education is more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that governments should give
healthcare
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 the highest
priority
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,
while
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 others believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is more important when spending taxpayers’ money. Both views have some valid arguments and can be supported for different reasons.
However
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, I personally believe that
healthcare
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 should receive greater
priority
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 because it improves physical
health
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 and enhances
people
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’s quality of
life
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, I believe that
healthcare
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 should receive greater
priority
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. The primary reason for my view is that public investment in
healthcare
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 improves physical
health
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.
This
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 is mainly because it provides affordable medical services and preventive care.
In other words
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,
people
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 can receive timely treatment and avoid serious diseases.
For example
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, free vaccinations and
health
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 screenings can help detect preventable diseases early.
As a result
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,
overall
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 public
health
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 can improve.
Furthermore
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, another important reason is that better
healthcare
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 enhances
people
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’s quality of
life
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.
This
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 is because accessible medical services help
people
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 remain healthy and active.
For instance
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, proper treatment can help older
people
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 manage chronic diseases and live independently.
Consequently
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, they can participate more actively in family and community
life
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.
Therefore
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,
healthcare
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 is the more beneficial approach.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that
education
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 should receive greater
priority
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. The main reason for
this
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 view is that investment in
education
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 creates employment opportunities.
This
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 is mainly because educated
people
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 develop
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
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 required by modern industries.
For example
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, technical
education
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 can prepare young
people
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 for engineering and IT jobs.
As a result
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, it can reduce unemployment.
Therefore
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, it is understandable why some
people
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 support
this
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 view.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid arguments in favour of prioritising
education
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is the better option.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because it improves physical
health
Use synonyms
 and enhances quality of
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why health should come before education when money is limited. You could show what may happen if health care does not get enough money.
task response
Your ideas about health care are clear, but the education side is shorter. Add one more main idea for education, such as how good schools can help a country grow in the long term. Then say why health care is still more important.
task response
Your examples fit your points. Make them even better by adding a short real-world detail, such as free shots for children or training for jobs in areas with few work chances.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, health care side, education side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used many times, such as “This is mainly because”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Use a wider mix, such as “Also”, “In this way”, “Because of this”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
The health care part has two clear points, while the education part has only one. Give both views a more even shape, with a clear topic sentence, reason, example, and short result in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The last line of the first body paragraph says health care is “the more beneficial approach”. This is clear, but it may sound like the final choice too early. You can simply end that paragraph by restating its main point and save the full choice for the conclusion.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss health care, discuss education, and state your own view.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand. Affordable care, early checks, work skills, and jobs are all linked well to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, and the opening and ending clearly show your position.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links like “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Universal healthcare
  • Preventative measures
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Economic prosperity
  • Alleviate
  • Resource allocation
  • Public-private partnerships
  • Informed electorate
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Primary education
  • Higher education
  • Life expectancy
  • Civic engagement
  • Sustainable development
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