IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

These days, a majority of animals are kept in zoos in order to save them from becoming extinct. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#majority #animals #zoos
Nowadays, a huge number of
animals
 are living in
zoos
 for the sake of protecting them from extinction.
Although
 there are various benefits in
this
 approach, which will be discussed the drawbacks should not be ignored. First of all,
animals
 are in
dangour
Correct your spelling
danger
 of becoming distinct
due to
 several reasons
such
 as illegal hunting and poaching.
Therefore
, keeping them in
zoos
 not only
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
show examples
 them from hunters
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but can
also
 contribute to
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
well-beings
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and
proesperties
Correct your spelling
properties
 of
animals
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, protecting
animals
 can significantly result in being
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
For instance
, the Iranian cheetah which is at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of loose, has been
keept
Correct your spelling
kept
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
 over the years.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 if it had not
protect
Change the verb form
protected
show examples
,
this
 species of
animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
show examples
 would become extinct until now.
Additionally
,
due to
 climate change and global warming some specific species of
animals
 are likely to become extinct. So, it is
essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 to keep them in
zoos
toward protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 them from
Correct article usage
a desaster
show examples
desaster
Correct your spelling
disaster
eccosystem
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
.
In contrast
, some
zoos
 particularly in developing countries are not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appropriate occasions for keeping
animals
.
Thus
, by placing more emphasis on
natrual
Correct your spelling
natural
 habitats, living in
natrual
Correct your spelling
natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodervisity seems to be the best place for them. A prime illustration of
this
 is the
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
 forest, where specific species of
animals
 are living there. By the way, equipping
zoos
 with many facilities for keeping
animals
 does not frequently sound great. One more significant issue, is the breeding challenges, keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 may lead to harmful consequences
such
 as breeding challenges. In conclusion, as it is
peresented
Correct your spelling
presented
, there are various opinions
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 keeping
animals
 in
zoos
.
Although
 there are some advantages
such
 as protecting them from both illegal hunting and
natrual desaster
Correct your spelling
natural disasters
, the drawbacks
such
 as unsuitable
zoos
 and breeding
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 should not be ignored.
Submitted by eskandari.mahanz66 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
There are some inaccuracies in spelling and grammar (e.g. 'dangour' instead of 'danger', 'distinct' instead of 'extinct', 'proesperties' instead of 'prosperity', etc.). These minor inaccuracies should be corrected to make the essay clearer.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea to enhance clarity and coherence.
task achievement
You have presented relevant examples such as the case of the Iranian cheetah, but try to elaborate further on these examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of keeping animals in zoos.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the main points well.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas that moves from the advantages of zoos to the disadvantages, maintaining a structured discussion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Endangered species
  • Breeding programs
  • Conservation efforts
  • Education and awareness
  • Wildlife protection
  • Natural habitat
  • Veterinary services
  • Poaching
  • Psychological stress
  • Natural behaviors
  • Sustainable solutions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: