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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.
#percentage #women #poverty #bar #rates #sex #age #states
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The pie
chart
 illustrates the proportions of
women
 in poverty conditions in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States in 2008.
Also
, the bar
chart
 describes poverty ratios by sex and age.
Moreover
, it is easy to observe that single
women
 with no dependent children have the highest percentage at 54%
while
 married
women
 with no dependent children have the lowest
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 8%. Followed by married
women
 with dependent children with 13%.
Furthermore
, Single
women
 with dependent kids take approximately a quarter of the pie
chart
 with 26%.
However
, the bar graph shows that
women
 between 18-24 , under 5 and
men
 under 5 have the highest percentage at 20%.
In contrast
,
women
 between 55-59 have the lowest proportion at 10% but the lowest of
men
 is between 75 and up at 5%.
Although
, some
men
's groups by age have the same percentage
such
 as 35-44, 45-54 , 55-59 and 65 - 74 which are near to 10%.
overall
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the pie
chart
 and bar graph show
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
women
significantely
Correct your spelling
significantly
 reached the highest numbers rather than
men
 over all genders and ages but
also
men
 reached high numbers in some ages.
Submitted by Poiu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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